A War of Strange Worlds.


From his platform on the endocrine gland Strepto, the King of Cocci, addresses his tribe: “You all know that we had to leave our last habitat, due to overpopulation, after the arrival of those dastardly viruses. Finally, since our exodus from the Primal Crap…” The crowd answers in unison: “All hail the Stinky One!” And […]

Reality is Relative.


My head was spinning with thoughts about the meaning of the universe and such, as it does sometimes. I am going to give you some of these jumbled-up thoughts and let you make of them what you want: – Is light the carrier of reality? We see/perceive through light, physically and spiritually. Each reality depends […]

A Non-event!?


A dear friend is planning to leave his den, that comfortable haven where his cortex is safely connected to the web, to venture into the netherworld. I knew I had some weird friends, but this one absconded with the whole cooky jar. He plans to disconnect himself, temporarily one hopes, from our virtual reality and wander […]

Statement from a Master of Inactivity.


There once was a hermit, who had been living in a cave high up in the Himalayas for turtles’ years(=eons). Devout people from a tiny village, which lay three  days’ travel from the good man’s abode, brought him food at regular intervals, taking care not to disturb him in his meditations. However, one winter, due […]

Easter Bunny Accidentally Killed!


I was out hunting trolls with my bow and arrows. This is the only hunting sport that I indulge in. Or should I say, this is the only species that I can hit with me weapon of choice. You all know that trolls are about as big as a barn and as my eyesight not […]

Stuff your Political Correctness Up…


You’ve done it now, yes, YOU! You’ve pissed me off, I, who am normally as equanimical as a mountain, as softly spoken as a blade of grass and as understanding as a hole in a tree! Have you ever in your life tried to have an argument with a hole in a tree? You should […]

Feet-lickingly Scrumptuous!


Well, this was certainly a first in Ralphie’s life! Have you ever been awakened by something or somebody licking your feet? I have, this morning! I was right in the middle of dreaming a now forgotten dream of astounding inconsequentiality, when the realisation pierced the wall of my fuzziness that something strange was going on […]

Pictogram Language!


I was travelling on the train today and I noticed several pictograms, denoting several objects and actions. One sees them more and more these days, because they are universal, in fact they are a kind of language in and of themselves. I predict a world where youngsters will say: “Who need the English language, with […]

Sexy Etymology…


Apparently, according to the Online Etymology Dictionary, I have not been very busy the last couple of centuries!*sighs* Their entry for “busy” is the following: busy O.E. bisig “careful, anxious, busy, occupied,” cognate with O.Du. bezich, Low Ger. besig; no known connection with any other Germanic or Indo-European language. Still pronounced as in M.E., but […]

The Summer of 96.


This summer is still bookmarked in the annals of Ralphie, the intrepid. It was during one of my infrequent wilder periods, when I was into sex and booze and rock-and-roll. Of course, Ralphie was a bit younger then, than he is today. I was involved with this honey called Nadine. My attraction to her was […]

Let us Start a Fanclub!


Another WOW and WAW! Another BIG thank you to Lieven for finding this little  jewel! This a a story that lies close to my heart, having been homeless myself. It does not get any better than this. A story about an orphan boy, who at the age of five ran away from the orphanage, because […]

Am I Weird or What?


No need to answer that question. I know the answer already! I had a visit here on my site from a lady,who likes to spread love around. Not the kinky kind! I find this a very commendable attitude. I visited her site and came across the lyrics to the Julio Iglesias song: To all the […]

Cloaking Device for Your House!


Step one: Say you build a house in the form of a cube(for easy reference) and then you add a roof that slopes down in one direction, facing the direction that gets the  most sunlight.  Step two: Get a company to build environment friendly double-usage screens that are also weather-proof. For this you design your […]

Tonight I Invite My Lost Ones.


Tonight I invite my lost ones, whether passed on or still of this world. I shall celebrate with my memories and toast forgotten possibilities. I shall invite my beloved late grandparents to please show me the many errors of my ways. I shall ask forgiveness of my late wife for the small and not-so-small intransigences […]

Grunts from the Pub.


When I think of all the years I wasted in school learning the fair English language, I could cry. I hear you asking, for why? Because it’s totally unnecessary, that’s why! Vocabulary is highly overrated, I tell ye! I just got back from the pub. I’ll tell you what I witnessed there and if at […]

The Joys of Life!


Let’s talk about the joys of life, shall we. At the minute, I can’t think of a single one! As a matter of fact, I can’t think, period. My gray matter has turned to a slimy sludge, which is pouring from my nose in a continuous, unstoppable stream. I watched the dawn through teary eyes […]