Quick Thinking Canadian! – Joke

Lettuce Cultivars by David Shankbone, New York...

Lettuce Cultivars by David Shankbone, New York City (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


From Buckle up, Bitches:


A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some a**hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.”

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“Canada, sir,” the boy replied.

“Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked.

The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”

“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada.”

“No sh*t?” replied the boy. “Who’d she play for?”



10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job!

From Higher Perspective:

quit job

It’s funny that when people reach a certain age, such as after graduating college, they assume it’s time to go out and get a job. But like many things the masses do, just because everyone does it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. In fact, if you’re reasonably intelligent, getting a job is one of the worst things you can do to support yourself. There are far better ways to make a living than selling yourself into indentured servitude.

Here are some reasons you should do everything in your power to avoid getting a job:

1. Income for dummies.

Getting a job and trading your time for money may seem like a good idea. There’s only one problem with it. It’s stupid! It’s the stupidest way you can possibly generate income! This is truly income for dummies.

Why is getting a job so dumb? Because you only get paid when you’re working. Don’t you see a problem with that, or have you been so thoroughly brainwashed into thinking it’s reasonable and intelligent to only earn income when you’re working? Have you never considered that it might be better to be paid even when you’re not working? Who taught you that you could only earn income while working? Some other brainwashed employee perhaps?

Don’t you think your life would be much easier if you got paid while you were eating, sleeping, and playing with the kids too? Why not get paid 24/7? Get paid whether you work or not. Don’t your plants grow even when you aren’t tending to them? Why not your bank account?

Who cares how many hours you work? Only a handful of people on this entire planet care how much time you spend at the office. Most of us won’t even notice whether you work 6 hours a week or 60. But if you have something of value to provide that matters to us, a number of us will be happy to pull out our wallets and pay you for it. We don’t care about your time — we only care enough to pay for the value we receive. Do you really care how long it took me to write this article? Would you pay me twice as much if it took me 6 hours vs. only 3?

Non-dummies often start out on the traditional income for dummies path. So don’t feel bad if you’re just now realizing you’ve been suckered. Non-dummies eventually realize that trading time for money is indeed extremely dumb and that there must be a better way. And of course there is a better way. The key is to de-couple your value from your time.

Smart people build systems that generate income 24/7, especially passive income. This can include starting a business, building a web site, becoming an investor, or generating royalty income from creative work. The system delivers the ongoing value to people and generates income from it, and once it’s in motion, it runs continuously whether you tend to it or not. From that moment on, the bulk of your time can be invested in increasing your income (by refining your system or spawning new ones) instead of merely maintaining your income.

This web site is an example of such a system. At the time of this writing, it generates about $9000 a month in income for me (update: $40,000 a month as of 10/31/06), and it isn’t my only income stream either. I write each article just once (fixed time investment), and people can extract value from them year after year. The web server delivers the value, and other systems (most of which I didn’t even build and don’t even understand) collect income and deposit it automatically into my bank account. It’s not perfectly passive, but I love writing and would do it for free anyway. But of course it cost me a lot of money to launch this business, right? Um, yeah, $9 is an awful lot these days (to register the domain name). Everything after that was profit.

Sure it takes some upfront time and effort to design and implement your own income-generating systems. But you don’t have to reinvent the wheel — feel free to use existing systems like ad networks and affiliate programs. Once you get going, you won’t have to work so many hours to support yourself. Wouldn’t it be nice to be out having dinner with your spouse, knowing that while you’re eating, you’re earning money? If you want to keep working long hours because you enjoy it, go right ahead. If you want to sit around doing nothing, feel free. As long as your system continues delivering value to others, you’ll keep getting paid whether you’re working or not.

Your local bookstore is filled with books containing workable systems others have already designed, tested, and debugged. Nobody is born knowing how to start a business or generate investment income, but you can easily learn it. How long it takes you to figure it out is irrelevant because the time is going to pass anyway. You might as well emerge at some future point as the owner of income-generating systems as opposed to a lifelong wage slave. This isn’t all or nothing. If your system only generates a few hundred dollars a month, that’s a significant step in the right direction.

To read more click the link at the top!


Antelope Lower Canyon, Page, Arizona.

From viralnova.com:

Reddit user remizik recently went on an adventure that made me foam at the mouth with jealousy. He decided to go inside Antelope Lower Canyon, which is located in Page, Arizona. He had been to Page from France once before, but he was unable to go inside. So now, returning in 2013, he was determined to do it.

What he discovered is beautiful, natural awesomeness.


To see and read more, click the link at the top!


New Ruling Finds Marijuana To Be The Most Medicinal Plant In The World!

From altering-perspectives.com:

Ralphie: “Remember now: marijuana tea is good against arthritis and rheumatism pains.”


More than a dozen U.S. states have now completely decriminalized the act of possessing marijuana and both Colorado and Washington have made it legal to possess, sell, transport and cultivate the plant. But soon it may be legalized across the entire country following a decision Thursday by the federal government.

In a historic and significant moment in American history, last November, Colorado became the first US state to legalize marijuana for recreational use. The impact of the decision could soon ripple across the entire country with vast opportunities to educate millions on the top health benefits of marijuana.

With the passage of I-502 in the 2012 Washington State election, marijuana also became legal in Washington–not just for medical use, but also for recreational use–and Alaska, California, Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, New York, Nebraska, North Carolina, Ohio, Oregon, and Vermont have all decriminalized marijuana.

Consumption and sale of marijuana is still illegal in all other states, though some cities and towns have passed local laws decriminalizing it or making it a low priority for law enforcement officers.

There are also movements in many states to legalize pot, including legalization bills introduced in many other states.

To read more click the link at the top!

Samson and Delilah Revisited!

From sott.net:

The Truth About Hair and Why Indians Would Keep Their Hair Long.


From able2know.org

This information about hair has been hidden from the public since the Viet Nam War .

Our culture leads people to believe that hair style is a matter of personal preference, that hair style is a matter of fashion and/or convenience, and that how people wear their hair is simply a cosmetic issue. Back in the Vietnam war however, an entirely different picture emerged, one that has been carefully covered up and hidden from public view.

In the early nineties, Sally [name changed to protect privacy] was married to a licensed psychologist who worked at a VA Medical hospital. He worked with combat veterans with PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. Most of them had served in Vietnam.

Sally said, “I remember clearly an evening when my husband came back to our apartment on Doctor’s Circle carrying a thick official looking folder in his hands. Inside were hundreds of pages of certain studies commissioned by the government. He was in shock from the contents. What he read in those documents completely changed his life. From that moment on my conservative middle of the road husband grew his hair and beard and never cut them again. What is more, the VA Medical center let him do it, and other very conservative men in the staff followed his example.

As I read the documents, I learned why. It seems that during the Vietnam War special forces in the war department had sent undercover experts to comb American Indian Reservations looking for talented scouts, for tough young men trained to move stealthily through rough terrain. They were especially looking for men with outstanding, almost supernatural, tracking abilities. Before being approached, these carefully selected men were extensively documented as experts in tracking and survival.

With the usual enticements, the well proven smooth phrases used to enroll new recruits, some of these Indian trackers were then enlisted. Once enlisted, an amazing thing happened. Whatever talents and skills they had possessed on the reservation seemed to mysteriously disappear, as recruit after recruit failed to perform as expected in the field.

Serious causalities and failures of performance led the government to contract expensive testing of these recruits, and this is what was found.

When questioned about their failure to perform as expected, the older recruits replied consistently that when they received their required military haircuts, they could no longer ‘sense’ the enemy, they could no longer access a ‘sixth sense’, their ‘intuition’ no longer was reliable, they couldn’t ‘read’ subtle signs as well or access subtle extrasensory information.

So the testing institute recruited more Indian trackers, let them keep their long hair, and tested them in multiple areas. Then they would pair two men together who had received the same scores on all the tests. They would let one man in the pair keep his hair long, and gave the other man a military haircut. Then the two men retook the tests.

Time after time the man with long hair kept making high scores. Time after time, the man with the short hair failed the tests in which he had previously scored high scores.

To read more click the link at the top!

Americans Placing European Countries on a Map. – LOL

From boredpanda.com:

Americans Were Asked To Place European Countries On A Map. Here’s What They Wrote:

How sure are you of your geographical knowledge? Buzzfeed recently put Americans’ geographical knowledge to the test with a survey in which participants had to write in countries’ names on a blank European political map. Unfortunately, they didn’t fare too well, but some of their responses are hilarious (or hilariously mis-informed).

But don’t be so quick to judge Americans – when Buzzfeed posted a similar survey testing Brits’ knowledge of the 50 United States, they also came up short. On the one hand, knowing a country’s states is different from knowing independent countries, but on the other, some U.S. states are larger than some European nations, and some U.S. states have larger economies than some European nations.

The gaps in these survey-takers’ knowledge also speak to historical and political realities. Very few survey-takers could correctly identify the former Soviet satellites or the nations that make up the Balkan peninsula. Many of the nations in these areas haven’t been around (independently) for quite as long as their counterparts in less turbulent parts of Europe.

No matter what, though, we can all probably agree that there are at least a few Americans who should dust off the old atlas or geography textbook and check out what the world looks like across the pond!



The News Ain’t News No More. – Pause

From The Mind Unleashed:

Can you say, “illusion of choice”?
“The corporate grip on opinion in the United States is one of the wonders of the Western world. No First World country has ever managed to eliminate so entirely from its media all objectivity – much less dissent.” -Gore Vidal

This following infographic created by Jason at Frugal Dad shows that almost all media comes from the same six sources. That’s consolidated from 50 companies back in 1983: http://goo.gl/SE2Zzp

Ralphie: “You really should click the above link. Maybe that will open your eyes.”



CHRISTIE’S Sale 2793 Lot 466

From christies.com:

Jean-Michel Basquiat (1960-1988)

jean-michel_basquiat_untitled_d5739664hUntitled (Portrait of Steven Lack)

Sale Information

And now is comes… wait for it… just a little more patience, tararatatatah:

Estimate (Set Currency)

  • $400,000 – $600,000

Ralphie: “One thing’s for sure: I ain’t bidding!”


US puts all the Homeless in Jail!

Ralphie: “Home of the free????? Only if you have money. Democracy is officially DEAD.”

From freepatriot.org

FEMA Camps: City to Exile the Homeless; It’s not a Conspiracy Theory Anymore

Under the radar from the prying eyes of the public, South Carolina made it legal to get rid of their homeless problem. The people were given a choice, FEMA Camps or jail. The irony of it all was this happened right at the 50th Anniversary of Civil Liberties in August. The bad part is different cities from Boston to New York are shipping off their homeless, and no one cares. Is this coming to a town near you?

In August the city of Colombia, South Carolina, had a problem. A festival honoring the 50th Anniversary of the Civil Rights Movement was coming to town.  They couldn’t be seen with all the homeless when guests arrived from all parts of the United States. So the city council held a vote and made homelessness a crime.

“The Columbia City Council unanimously approved the plan, creating special police patrols that would enforce “quality of life” laws involving loitering, public urination and other crimes not necessarily restricted to the homeless population. Those officers would then offer the homeless a choice: Go to jail for their homelessness or be shuffled to a 240-bed, 24-hour shelter on the outskirts of town, which they wouldn’t be allowed to easily leave.

That second option isn’t jail, mind you, because the homeless are being confined with the help of a local charitable organization. It’s charitable incarceration, you see. The homeless can leave, but they need to set up an appointment and be shuttled by a van.”~Microsoft Media Net Money

Despite some news from the Main Stream Media, and Glenn Beck, it looks like the city went out of their way to begin staffing the 240 bed, 24 hour, razor wire topped FEMA camp that was supposed to be used in case of a disaster according to FEMA. Remember, these areas do not exist according to the news media. However the FEMA site has the plans and the implementations of them. FEMA has even built them for cities such as Galeston, Houston, New York, Boston, New Orleans, and even Colombia.  Strange for areas that don’t exist.

South Carolina went through with the plans and they even caught the attention of the ACLU. In order for the homeless to “qualify” for the “temporary shelter” they would have to be one of the first 240 homeless to apply and wouldn’t be able to leave except by shuttle.  They even went out of their way to remove some of the benches around the town so the homeless didn’t get comfortable and a hot line to call if you spotted homeless people for the residents.

Ralphie: “Who’s next? Gay people, African-Americans, Native Americans?”

Guild of Assassins Mortified! – LOL

From laughorgtfo.com:

Not really a joking matter, but there you go…

Oregon woman kills hitman hired by her husband



An Oregon man was sentenced to 10 years in prison after hiring another man to kill his wife.

Susan Kuhnhausen fought off the hit man and actually strangled the attacker with her bare hands killing him.

In September 2006, Susan found an intruder in her southeast Portland home.

“I saw a man step out of the shadows and he began to hit me in the head and the face with a hammer,” said Kuhnhausen.

For the first time publicly, she described how, fearing for her life, she fought back.

“I got the hammer and started hitting him with the hammer several times. My father, the carpenter, always taught me a hammer could be used for self-defense – the claw end would work the best,” said Kuhnhausen.

To read more click the link at the top!

What Tim Says is Stupid! – Pause

Dalai Lama

Dalai Lama (Photo credit: Joi)


From Dalai Lama:


“We can make this a more peaceful century if we cherish non-violence and concern for others’ well-being. It is possible. If the individual is happier, his or her family is happier; if families are happy, neighbourhoods and nations will be happy. By transforming ourselves we can change our human way of life and make this a century of compassion.”


Tim Bedwell That’s stupid.(from FB)


Janni Ericson Sounds great!(from FB)



Cancer has been Cured (Several Times Already)!

From Grow Food, Not Lawns

From Grow Food, Not Lawns

From realfarmacy.com:

Cancer is a growing worldwide epidemic, with staggering statistics: 20,000 people dying of cancer every day; 1 person out of 3 will be faced with cancer at one point in their life; and 1 million Americans are diagnosed with cancer every year.

The standard treatment for cancer has been the same for many decades and is comprised of surgery, radiation and chemotherapy, the latter two being toxic to healthy cells in the human

These treatments, as well as the research surrounding cancer, generate millions of dollars each year for the medical industry, with a typical cancer patient spending on-average $50,000 to treat the disease.

Over the last century, several natural cancer treatments have been developed and used to treat patients in the US and in other developed countries.

One example is a natural concoction of herbs called Essiac, created by nurse Rene Caisse in Canada in the 1920?s. Another is an herbal cure created by Harry Hoxsey, who funded clinics in 17 states before they were all closed down by the FDA in the late 1950′s.

And yet another is the Gerson Therapy, created by German doctor Maximilian Gerson, who was one of the first to suggest a nutritional approach to treating chronic disease in the 1940′s. You can buy the DVD at Amazon.com.

Watch the full documentary now – 93 min

A fascinating documentary, “Cancer – The Forbidden Cures”, exposes the corruption of the cancer industry and the extreme measures they will undertake to discredit, imprison, and professionally destroy any physician who treats cancer patients naturally. (FULL LENGTH)

Disconcerting News: Mind Control Technologies!


From BBC.com:

Technology that taps into a soldier’s thought patterns could soon see action on the battlefield. But some worry about its future applications.

In Afghanistan, some soldiers are said to possess a sixth sense.

They hone their skills at the head of convoys that trundle along the dusty roads of remote mountainous provinces. As they drive, these soldiers scan ahead for signs of roadside bombs: disturbed earth, a glint of metal, or just something that seems out of place. Spotting them can mean the difference between life and death. Those who are half-jokingly said to possess the “sixth sense” are the ones that seem to have an uncanny ability to spot these almost imperceptible signs of danger.

Now, military scientists are beginning to build technologies that would give every soldier this ability, pushing the field of neuroscience from the lab and on to the battlefield.

These devices exploit what neuroscientists call the P300, a wave of brain activity that signifies an unconscious recognition of a visual object, and is so-named because it occurred about 300 milliseconds after stimulation. The P300 can be thought of as the biological basis of the sixth sense.

The problem is that it may take several seconds for the brain to become conscious of what it’s seen, and in Afghanistan, that brief time can mean the difference between spotting a bomb, and driving over it and setting it off.

But a device known as an electroencephalogram (EEG) can spot that P300 signal. Hooked into a sophisticated computer that can interpret the signal, it can immediately alert a person to a potential threat, taking a short cut through the brain’s normal conscious processing. Combined with advanced optics, it is possible to imagine a Terminator-like vision system that scans an area and immediately identifies and categorises threats.

Although it sounds far-fetched, this is roughly the idea behind a new military technology called Sentinel (SystEm for Notification of Threats Inspired by Neurally Enabled Learning), which is being touted as the world’s first “cognitive-neural” binocular threat-warning system.

To read lots more, click the link up top. This worries me, folks!



Malicious Slander About Mount Saint Upid.

My place of birth, my abode, my pride and joy has fallen victim to malicious slander. I intend to Sue and cousins Ann and Mary also. Legions of my forebears have been raised on this lovely mountain top, where the knowledge of physics(= working out) and quantumobility have been passed on from cousin to son and so on for ages. You all knows me, do I look thick to you?

Brief explanation of quantumobility:

Little tiny super-guys called Bat Photon, Spider Proton and Hulk Quark(who’s a bit cheesy), who all have superpowers(they can be in two places at the same time, for example) and drive really fast and light vehicles, wiz by there regularly, stopping off to enjoy our Moonshine. Don’t you tell me I know nuttin about cheese!

In short, I ain’t havin’ it!

From I fucking love science:


Virtual Conquest of the World…

Oceans of the world

Oceans of the world (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ralphie’s Portal’s virtual conquest of the planet is gathering speed, I’m happy to say. Never fear, I shall be a benign Lord!

One of the three inhabitants of Greenland, Mister Yugglefrugly, has seen fit to pay nominal tribute to us, which is only fitting. What took you so long? Mister Ping Pong, tableperson (they’re funny that way) of Pong’s Republic of China has graced us with a visit. Maybe he’s afeared of the might of the Wacky Dodo!? Admiral Togo isn’t, for he’s been around. Even the last remaining British Virgin has taken a blushing peek from her Islands. So that’s where you hid her, lads!

No news from the North Pole though, methinks the bears have gone on strike. And those stuffed shirts from Antarctica have been strangely silent aswell. No, not a quack from the Penguins! Could somebody wake up the inhabitants from middle Africa, please and instruct them to log into our portal, even if only for a laugh. I was going to complain about the middle of Canada not wanting to know us, but then I realised they’re lakes and apparently aqua-internet is not a fashion yet. (why not, pray?)

What are those islands on top of Norway, does anybody know? If they haven’t been claimed yet, I’ll be happy to oblige. Or is it a secret? In which case I apologise to the NSA… What’s the US doing in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? I was glad when I saw that, what I thought was Micronesia had joined us, but WordPress told me it’s America aswell. You do get around, don’t you! Listen, I’m not a great puzzler, but couldn’t we fit Iceland in those lakes in the middle of Canada? Might be slightly warmer over there for them. Right, my bad, global warming will probably turn it into a tropical paradise.

Toodeloo, I mean Bye, not that I have to go to… from the Wacky Dodo.

Correction Needed!

Forward error correction

Forward error correction (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear readers,

What I have long feared has come to pass! We who take the internet as scripture, must guard against it being inaccurate. Anything written down in these hallowed halls should be set in stone, so to speak. To state the bleedin’ obvious:  I’ve found a mistake on the internet and in the most unlikely of places, namely Wikipedia. I’ve contacted them, but they adamantly refuse to correct it! I’m wondering if I should start a petition? Could you join me in bringing it to everyone’s awareness, please?

Here’s the link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mistake

They’re actually blatant about it!

Dogs Are People, Too



From TheNewYorkTimes-SundayReview:

FOR the past two years, my colleagues and I have been training dogs to go in an M.R.I. scanner — completely awake and unrestrained. Our goal has been to determine how dogs’ brains work and, even more important, what they think of us humans.

Now, after training and scanning a dozen dogs, my one inescapable conclusion is this: dogs are people, too.

Because dogs can’t speak, scientists have relied on behavioral observations to infer what dogs are thinking. It is a tricky business. You can’t ask a dog why he does something. And you certainly can’t ask him how he feels. The prospect of ferreting out animal emotions scares many scientists. After all, animal research is big business. It has been easy to sidestep the difficult questions about animal sentience and emotions because they have been unanswerable.

Until now.

By looking directly at their brains and bypassing the constraints of behaviorism, M.R.I.’s can tell us about dogs’ internal states. M.R.I.’s are conducted in loud, confined spaces. People don’t like them, and you have to hold absolutely still during the procedure. Conventional veterinary practice says you have to anesthetize animals so they don’t move during a scan. But you can’t study brain function in an anesthetized animal. At least not anything interesting like perception or emotion.

From the beginning, we treated the dogs as persons. We had a consent form, which was modeled after a child’s consent form but signed by the dog’s owner. We emphasized that participation was voluntary, and that the dog had the right to quit the study. We used only positive training methods. No sedation. No restraints. If the dogs didn’t want to be in the M.R.I. scanner, they could leave. Same as any human volunteer.

My dog Callie was the first. Rescued from a shelter, Callie was a skinny black terrier mix, what is called a feist in the southern Appalachians, from where she came. True to her roots, she preferred hunting squirrels and rabbits in the backyard to curling up in my lap. She had a natural inquisitiveness, which probably landed her in the shelter in the first place, but also made training a breeze.

With the help of my friend Mark Spivak, a dog trainer, we started teaching Callie to go into an M.R.I. simulator that I built in my living room. She learned to walk up steps into a tube, place her head in a custom-fitted chin rest, and hold rock-still for periods of up to 30 seconds. Oh, and she had to learn to wear earmuffs to protect her sensitive hearing from the 95 decibels of noise the scanner makes.

After months of training and some trial-and-error at the real M.R.I. scanner, we were rewarded with the first maps of brain activity. For our first tests, we measured Callie’s brain response to two hand signals in the scanner. In later experiments, not yet published, we determined which parts of her brain distinguished the scents of familiar and unfamiliar dogs and humans.

Soon, the local dog community learned of our quest to determine what dogs are thinking. Within a year, we had assembled a team of a dozen dogs who were all “M.R.I.-certified.”

Although we are just beginning to answer basic questions about the canine brain, we cannot ignore the striking similarity between dogs and humans in both the structure and function of a key brain region: the caudate nucleus.

To read more click link up top.


US should return stolen land to Indian tribes, says United Nations.

From Jennifer Brown/Star Ledger/Corbis

From Jennifer Brown/Star Ledger/Corbis

From The Guardian:

A United Nations investigator probing discrimination against Native Americans has called on the US government to return some of the land stolen from Indian tribes as a step toward combatting continuing and systemic racial discrimination.

James Anaya, the UN special rapporteur on the rights of indigenous peoples, said no member of the US Congress would meet him as he investigated the part played by the government in the considerable difficulties faced by Indian tribes.

Anaya said that in nearly two weeks of visiting Indian reservations, indigenous communities in Alaska and Hawaii, and Native Americans now living in cities, he encountered people who suffered a history of dispossession of their lands and resources, the breakdown of their societies and “numerous instances of outright brutality, all grounded on racial discrimination”.

“It’s a racial discrimination that they feel is both systemic and also specific instances of ongoing discrimination that is felt at the individual level,” he said.
Anaya said racism extended from the broad relationship between federal or state governments and tribes down to local issues such as education.

“For example, with the treatment of children in schools both by their peers and by teachers as well as the educational system itself; the way native Americans and indigenous peoples are reflected in the school curriculum and teaching,” he said.

“And discrimination in the sense of the invisibility of Native Americans in the country overall that often is reflected in the popular media. The idea that is often projected through the mainstream media and among public figures that indigenous peoples are either gone or as a group are insignificant or that they’re out to get benefits in terms of handouts, or their communities and cultures are reduced to casinos, which are just flatly wrong.”

Close to a million people live on the US’s 310 Native American reservations. Some tribes have done well from a boom in casinos on reservations but most have not.

Anaya visited an Oglala Sioux reservation where the per capita income is around $7,000 a year, less than one-sixth of the national average, and life expectancy is about 50 years.

The two Sioux reservations in South Dakota – Rosebud and Pine Ridge – have some of the country’s poorest living conditions, including mass unemployment and the highest suicide rate in the western hemisphere with an epidemic of teenagers killing themselves.

To read more click link up top.


U.S., Wake Up!!!


From I fucking love science:

Congratulations to Germany for breaking their own record last month in harnessing solar energy!
By the end of 2012, Germany was ranked #1 for solar energy production per capita at 400 MW per million people while the United States was ranked #20 with only 25 MW per million people.
The United States is expected to double their usage of solar power by the end of 2015….
Check out our new YouTube show here: http://bit.ly/1f7BMZ

Hillbilly Rescue! – Joke

From http://highoctanehumor.com/

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’
The woman shakes her head no…. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

Hawaii, Volcanic Waves!


From MailOnline:

Daredevil photographers brave boiling waters to capture the drama of searing-hot lava crashing into the seas off Hawaii.

Two photographers risked their lives to become the first people to capture the explosive moment fiery lava crashes into the sea.

Nick Selway, 28, and CJ Kale, 35, braved baking hot 110F waters to capture these images, as they floated just feet from scalding heat and floating lava bombs.

The pair, who chase the lava as it flows from Kilauea through Kalapana, Hawaii, spend their days camped on the edge of active volcanoes to capture the incredible images.

Grandmas Are Great! – LOL

English: Mrs. John Wheeler Leavitt. Portrait b...

English: Mrs. John Wheeler Leavitt. Portrait by Philadelphia artist Cecilia Beaux of her grandmother Mrs. John Wheeler Leavitt (nee Cecilia Kent) of Suffield, Connecticut. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

From thundersex on ExperienceProject.com:

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter

from his grandmother asking him to send her a

current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a

Nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.

The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent

the bottom half of the photo. He’s really worried but

then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is,

and hopes she won’t notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his

Grandmother, It says: “Thank you for the picture.

Change your hairstyle… It makes your nose look too short.”


Notice to the NSA! – LOL



Dear guardians of the Pizza,

In order to facilitate your surveillance, I want to inform you that I shall shortly being heading over to Pedro’s Chili Place on 9th Street  for dinner, where I intend to pay cash. This communiqué is so as not to thwart your tracking of my movements. Should you observe a loud noise later on, let me assure you that this will merely be a result of my bowel movements and will not in any way pose a threat to National Security, although gas masks might be in order should you wish to pay a visit in person.

(Sin-)cerely yours,

Ralphie A Burcke.

The Sacred Seven Prayers.


From Gypsy Spirit Wind:

O Great Spirit, who art before all else and who dwells in every object, in every person and in every place, we cry unto Thee. We summon… Thee from the far places into our present awareness.

O Great Spirit of the North, who gives wings to the waters of the air and rolls the thick snowstorm before Thee, Who covers the Earth with a sparkling crystal carpet above whose deep tranquillity every sound is beautiful. Temper us with strength to withstand the biting blizzards, yet make us thankful for the beauty which follows and lies deep over the warm Earth in its wake.

O Great Spirit of the East, the land of the rising Sun, Who holds in Your right hand the years of our lives and in Your left the opportunities of each day. Brace us that we may not neglect our gifts nor lose in laziness the hopes of each day and the hopes of each year.

O Great Spirit of the South, whose warm breath of compassion melts the ice that gathers round our hearts, whose fragrance speaks of distant springs and summer days, dissolve our fears, melt our hatreds, kindle our love into flames of true and living realities. Teach us that he who is truly strong is also kind, he who is wise tempers justice with mercy, he who is truly brave matches courage with compassion.

O Great Spirit of the West, the land of the setting Sun, with Your soaring mountains and free, wide rolling prairies, bless us with knowledge of the peace which follows purity of striving and the freedom which follows like a flowing robe in the winds of a well-disciplined life. Teach us that the end is better than the beginning and that the setting sun glorifies not in vain.

O Great Spirit of the heavens, in the day’s infinite blue and amid the countless stars of the night season, remind us that you are vast, that you are beautiful and majestic beyond all of our knowing or telling, but also that you are no further from us than the tilting upwards of our heads and the raising of our eyes.

O Great Spirit of Mother Earth beneath our feet, Master of metals, Germinator of seeds and the Storer of the Earth’s unreckoned resources, help us to give thanks unceasingly for Your present bounty.

O Great Spirit of our souls, burning in our heart’s yearning and in our innermost aspirations, speak to us now and always so that we may be aware of the greatness and goodness of Your gift of life and be worthy of this priceless privilege of living.

By Noel Knockwood B.A. Elder


It’s MINE!!!

Paper Heroes Location 2

Paper Heroes Location 2 (Photo credit: roadkillbuddha)

Just when you thought you’d already seen the summum of sarcasm, you had to stumble onto this bit of crap, didn’t you! You poor misguided sceptical sod, you thought you’d read or heard the lot, well… didn’t you? Forget about it! Let me put you out of your delusional misery. Or not. Actually, I think you should move your petty attention span somewhere else, because this will not be pretty! I’m warning you. Piss off, right now.(notice the absence of an exclamation mark behind this succinct piece of advice). Are you still here? Do you insist on being mortified? Alright then,here we bloody well go. –> here or here.

I, Ralphie A Burcke, do by this piece of paper(transcribing now) declare that I was walking down a certain derelict avenue, when I happened to stumble onto (the now late) gentleman, whose name shall be left out of this epistle for judicial purposes, who had in his possession a loaf of bread. Being hungry, I said that I would like some, thank him very much, but the arsehole disagreed. (Again, notice the absence of an exclamation mark(I’m trying to restrain myself)). When I inquired why he would not part with at least part of this loaf of bread, he told me, and was rather adamant about it, that he had a piece of paper which proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this loaf was his. He proceeded to show me the receipt of a supermarket, which one shall remain a mystery to you. I asked, rather sensibly I thought, whether the tree had objected, to which he tuttutted me and asked in an exasperated tone if I knew of any trees that spoke English. Nope!However, yours truly was not born yesterday, nor the day before. Actually quite a large number of yesterdays ago and I happened to have on me a small notebook and a pen. With thwarting this dastardly loafhugger’s plans aforethought, I wrote on a piece of paper:” Half of this loaf of bread ->(thataone) is indisputably , unequivocably and irrevocably the source of sustenance of Ralphie A Burcke, period.”(notice the period!) And I signed it, just for good measure. This stumped him!(notice exclamation mark)

Next this unbeliever took out his gun and declared his intention of terminating my loaf-less existence, but the cretin had neglected to take into account the presence of mind of the son of Misses Burcke! I asked if I could see a piece of paper, which stated indubitably that said gun was in actuality his. He turned red and admitted that he had acquired it from some shady fellow. To cut a long story short, I confiscated the gun and shot the bastard with it, Not because I am, paper-wise, in the habit of shooting people with their own(sic) guns, but because the idiot was starting to annoy me (and I was slightly pekish). Anyways, I ended up with a loaf of bread and a gun. I did write a little note, in my little notebook, in which I gave the tosser permission to pass on to whichever dimension would welcome his sorry arse. I pinned the note to his forehead. Are you dimwits with me so far? If you really insist on being tormented some more, so be it.

I was shuffling and munching along, when I met my second victim. Strange how these soon-to-be daisy-pusher-uppers seem to cross my path. It must be karma, theirs or mine. A mentally deficient gentleman invited me into his home. I use the personal pronoun ‘his’ loosely here, very loosely indeed, I’m sure you understand! When I asked what on earth made him think that this particular abode was his, he showed me a piece of paper and true enough, it stated that it was his, which I let pass for that instant, because pieces of paper and myself are no strangers, remember? I decided to hear what the fool had to say for himself. He confided in me that his ancestors had come with a piece of paper, which stated that this continent of America was in actuality theirs. When the natives objected, they shot the lot, minus a couple whom they corralled in a penitentiary. I asked, why on earth did these fools not recognise the validity of your piece of paper? He told me they were utterly stupid and had the ludicrous notion that the earth should be shared by all living things. Well… good riddance to this lot!

The television was on at that time and some black dude came on, saying that he had loads and loads of pieces of paper, which stated that he was the boss and that everybody should do as he said. Nuff said(paper included). Whereupon the guy who had invited me in told me that the one on TV’s grandpappie used to be his. I asked how that worked. He called me an idiot and said that he had heaps of paper to prove it. I stood corrected and looked appropriately abashed. Somehow the black lads had convinced themselves that they were not his but themselves. And all this without a piece of paper, the unmitigating nerve of these people! They had a war but this guys forebears lost, because the other came up with an even BIGGER piece of paper. Fucking fornication, sodomy and gomorrizing all put together. What is this world coming to?

As he was starting to bore me, I proceeded to write a note stating that the house I was in was mine, but this moron objected aswell and took out his gun, for which he did have a piece of paper. There is however more than one way to skin a cat! I asked If I could see the receipt for the bullets and he could not find it. More the fool he, I shot him. When the Missus came home and I shouted:”Honey, I’m home!” she was a mite surprised and so were the kids, but when I showed them the piece of paper all became abundantly clear. I did not really want nor need a family though, what with my new-found wealth. I divorced the lot of them and exchanged everything for a yacht. It was there that I met Mister Milt Bromley or some such name, who claimed to have oodles of pieces of paper with the face of some dead guy on them, green ones. I was not impressed. If he had had a piece of paper with the face of my dear departed Gran or somebody else who was near to my heart, I would have admired him immensely and possibly even have handed over the yacht for it, but for a to me unknown dead geezer!!?? Was he joking?

He did give a warning which I took to heart, namely that with my new yacht, people might become jealous and try to take it away from me with lots of guns. Something had to be done and quickly. I had a mega-brilliant idea! Does not the Peoples’ Republic of China have billions of people with lots and lots of guns? For sure they do! I wrote on a piece of paper that from then on the PRC was MINE, with a Ni hao and a Shishi thrown in for good measure. I asked Mister Misty Romley to witness it and now I am not only the uncle but the undisputed leader of that immense country. Ni hao, you may call me Emperor Ralphie! Shishi and get on with protecting my arse.(and my yacht!) Be warned, all and sundry, if you want to mess with me, I’ll set my yellow fellows on you! They can’t really object, now can they, for do they speak English? Even if they do, bugger them. Do as your leader tells you or else(remember Mao?)

I’d always wanted to score a home run and I decided to go for the whole shebang. First I dug a small hole in the ground with my spoon, for I did not have a little shovel. After that I wrote a little note, saying to old Gaia that although she’d had a good run of it, I would from that moment take charge of the whole planet and everything on it. She protested with some earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and some tsunamis, but I was not impressed, for I had buried the not inside her and even she had to acquiesce to my authority. I am now Leader of the World and all shall bow to me, by the power vested in me by that piece of paper. All hail Ralphie! Anyone who disagrees, remember my yellow fellows!!! It’s ALL mine…

Wife Rules The Roost. – Joke

English: Portrait of Charlie Chaplin

English: Portrait of Charlie Chaplin (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Just ask Charlie!

From  climber1 on Experience Prohect:

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, ‘Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.’
‘Oh yeah?’ said Charlie, ‘And how did this one end?’
‘When it was over,’ Mike replied, ‘She came to me on her hands and knees.’
‘Really,’ said Charles, ‘Now that’s a switch! What did she say?’
She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.’

Those Happy Pills.

English: Happy Pills!!! (Tho I don't know what...

English: Happy Pills!!! (Tho I don’t know what are you able to get there) – Barcelona (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Earlier today I was feeling depressed over some depressing stuff, amazingly. I hardly ever get depressed over good things that happen to me, which is fortunate, therapy costing what it does. You may have guessed that my finances are in a slump and as a result so am I. My ears perked when I heard on TV that they are selling pills now that are absolutely guaranteed to cure any symptoms of depression and as an added bonus they are quite affordable.

I was just reaching for my cell to order this miracle drug, when I stayed my hand to listen to some minor side effects, which could accompany this medication. Apparently, they would render me blues-free and I would hardly care about my hair falling out and the cramps in my lower regions. That is, if I did not slip into a coma entirely or actually died, which would provide a more permanent solution to all my problems.

These miraculous tablets had not been tested on any poor animals, but a large group of inmates from a correctional facility had kindly volunteered for testing. Those that had survived had started a knitting society and were rather pleased with the treatment they had received and thankful for the wigs that the pharmaceutical company had graciously provided them.

That settles it. I’m ordering now, but I insist on my complimentary wig.