From The Mind Unleashed:
From The Mind Unleashed:
Medical distinction between Guts and Balls There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:GUTS – Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: ‘Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?’…BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the Balls to say: ‘You’re next, Chubby.’
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.Medically speaking there is No difference in the outcome.Both result in death.
I’ve just come from hospital, where my father is fighting a losing battle against the big C. I needed a breather. Isn’t cancer a bitch? It robs people of their dignity and reduces them to a state of defencelessness, much like an infant or even worse. It’s horrible to see him waste away in pain. Being stubborn(like me) he’s putting up his dukes against the grim reaper, but must inevitably lose. I could easily carry my Dad, who used to weigh close to three-hundred pounds, in my arms for miles, he’s so emaciated. Not the way a proud man wants to be remembered.
Anyways, I’ve told him that I love him and need to believe that he understood me. He is surrounded by family and friends, who all care for him in an obvious manner. I shall go back in a little while just to be there… May he cross over soon and be delivered from this ordeal. I personally know some kind and generous souls, who will be waiting there with open arms to receive him.
Goodbye, Pa. You will not be forgotten!
-To Appreciate A Job Well Done… If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside, I’m cleaning.
-Religion… You better pray that will come out of the carpet.
-Travel Time… If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into next week.
-Logic… Because I said so, that’s why.
– More Logic… If you fall out of the tree and break your neck, you’re not coming to the store with me.
-Foresight… Make sure you wear clean underwear, just in case you get run over by a bus and they have to take you to hospital.
-Irony… Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.
-Wisdom… When you get to my age, you’ll understand.
-Justice… One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you.
-Roots… Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?
-Genetics… You’re just like your Auntie.
-Humour… When that lawn mower cuts your off your toes, don’t come running to me.
-Extrasensory Perception… Put your sweater on, don’t you think I know when your cold.
-Medical Science… If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay like that.
-Receiving… You are going to get it when you get home!
-Osmosis… Shut your mouth and eat your food.
-Contortionist… Will you look at that dirt on the back off your neck?
-Stamina… You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.
-Weather… This room of yours look as if a tornado went through it.
-Hypocrisy… I told you a million times, don’t exaggerate.
-Circle Of Life… I bought you into this world and I’ll take you out of it.
-Behaviour Modification… Stop acting like your father.
-Anticipation… Just wait until we get home.
-Envy… There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.