The Leprechaun and the Grizzly.

ru: Бурый медведь (Московский зоопарк) en: Bro...

ru: Бурый медведь (Московский зоопарк) en: Brown Bear (Moscow Zoo) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some time ago I was in Barcelona and feeling lonely. To while away the time I started fantasizing about living with my beloved Gran Sheila and her family in West-Virginia. My Gran has a grandson called Jace, whom in my dream I took for a walk in the woods, where some strange things happened. This is the story:

Ralphie asked Jace if he was up to a walk through the woods and he agreed, so off we went. We walked and we walked and then we walked some more, for ages it seemed. All of a sudden I stopped and Jace stopped aswell, for we were holding hands. I pointed at a large mushroom and asked Jace if he knew what that was. “Of course!” he cried indignantly “That’s a mushroom.” We both got on our knees to inspect it more closely and I went on: “Do you know what else this is called, Jace?” He replied: “No.” – “They are also called toadstools, because toads, which are like frogs but bigger, sometimes use them to sit on.” – “Really?” went Jace. “Scout’s honor” I went.

“But that is not all, Jace. It is also the house of a leprechaun, one of the wee folk. There might actually be a whole family of little folk living in there, Jace.” Now Jace was a bit starry-eyed and said: “Wow!” – “Indeed! But only people who really, really believe in these little people can see them, Jace. Do you really, really believe in them, Jace?” Jace nodded sagely and said a solemn: “Yes!” And POP! out came a small old man with a long beard, all dressed in green and with an impish grin on his face. I jerked up and said: “Look, Jace! There is one of them!” And described him. Jace peered intently and after only a short while a smile bethroned his small face and he nodded eagerly.

Right at that moment I heard a low growl behind us and slowly turned my head. What would I see but a big grizzly towering ten feet above and I thought: “Ohoh, we’re in deep kaka now, because you can not outrun them and there was no time to climb a tree. I gently shoved Jace in front of me and went: “Shht, don’t yell, don’t talk, be very still!” And we both slowly bowed down until our heads touched the ground. There I was with Jace under me, when the bear gave me a small shove, which almost toppled me over. With my spirit I summoned all the forces known to me and asked them to make this majestic big beast of the forest leave us alone and go away.

In answer a snake jumped out of the grass and bit the grizzly in the ass. In his rage to turn around to confront his attacker the bear nicked my arm. While he was distracted, I took Jace under my good arm and ran off with full speed. After half a mile I was a bit weak from blood-loss and put Jace down. I told him: “Jace, I need your T-shirt.” He took it off and gave it me. I proceeded to wrap it around the bleeding cut as tightly as I could. Then I heard something crashing through the undergrowth in the far distance, probably the bear in pursuit of its lost prey!

I asked Jace: “Can you walk, Jace?” He replied with a shaky: “Yes.” Then I asked: “Can you run, Jace?” He replied yes again. So I shouted: “Well then run like the wind!” And off we ran, like bats out of hell. I summoned Gran with my spirit and cried out: “HELP!” Together, our spirits joined, we stopped the bear’s advance and lead it back into the woods, where he belongs. And then I collapsed.

I was delirious and in a dream the bear came to visit me again, but my spirit was as big as his. I told him: “You drew blood, bear. you owe me!” I thought about taking his strength, but that would have been wrong. I asked him: “If the need should arise, may I use your strength to protect my loved ones and myself?” He growled a “YES!” So now I have the spiritual power of the grizzly within me.

Shortly after this my fever broke and Jace bopped in to say hello, all exited still about our adventure. He was bubbling over with excitement about what great hunters we were and how we had scared away the bear. I told him: “Yes we did, Jace. You, your Gran and I, we did it!” I smiled at him and nodded gravely. Then I said: “But with all this ruckus and hullabaloo, I’ll be you, you’ve forgotten something, Jace.” He shouted an adamant: “Never!” – “I think you have, Jace.” – “Double never!” – “Alright, Jace. After all this, do you remember where the wee folk live?” – “Under the toadstool!” Cried out little champ. He deserves a medal, he does. Make that two!

End of story, folks. Hugs from me!


Encounter with a Hedgehog.

I was taking Linda for a walk the other week, through the autumnal tunnel that I have described on a previous occasion, when all of a sudden Linda almost takes my arm off trying to drag me into the bushes. I dug in my heels and shouted: “Ho, girl! Let me check what’s going on here first.”  And what should be there but the most adorable little hedgehog, turned into a ball because Her Majesty had scared the living daylights out of it.

I was able to convince my dog that the little tyke would not make for a very healthy snack and it showed its cute little face. Seeing a baby hedgehog fairly makes my heart melt. They are almost fairy-like in their appearance, or maybe I should say leprechaun-like. I wonder where they live, I mean, do they live in a burrow or just hide under some bushes at night. I wouldn’t know, I shall have to read up on them.

I was so busy trying to get Linda away from the tiny fellow that I forgot that he might me in a dangerous situation fairly soon, because he was on the side of a road, where there is a fair amount of traffic, getting ready to cross. I doubled back almost immediately, intent on taking it up and depositing it safely on the other side, but it had already retreated back into the undergrowth.

This made me a bit sad. I would never entertain the notion of keeping it as a pet, because I am a firm believer in the  philosophy that wild animals should be left in their natural habitat, but I dearly would have loved to look at it one last time. I do hope it is safe and in good nick! I offered up a prayer to the fairy godmother of hedgehogs, Mrs. Prickly and I hope that helped.

When looking for a picture for this piece, I glanced over the fact that these are mammals! Ouch, imagine Mrs. Hedgehog giving birth to quadruplets. Now, that must hurt!!! You do know how they make love, don’t you? VERY gently!

Deutsch: Ein junger Europäischer Igel (Erinace...

Image via Wikipedia

Leprechaun´s Lament.

English: Late 19th or early 20th century polyc...

 Late 19th or early 20th century polychromed toleware spitoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Not one spittoon in Brigadoon!
Now, there´s sommat wrong with that,
I muttered, coughed and spat,
I only ask for this one boon!

Just be careful where you tread!
Even the roaches  ‘ere have fled.
Do we have to live in a sty?
I´ll spit in that dirty pig´s eye.

Ma raised us better than this!
And where does one take a piss?
´t Is a sorry state of affairs:
These filthy leprechauns’ lairs.

Not a place to bring a lady.
Not even one-eyed Sady!
A´right, call me lowlife loon,
But bring me a friggin´ spittoon!