Qantas Airlines, Repair Division Answers – Joke


Qantas Airbus A380 (VH-OQA) takes off from Lon...

Qantas Airbus A380 (VH-OQA) takes off from London Heathrow Airport, England. The main and nose undercarriage doors have not yet closed. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(From Inchcock on The Spoof!

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘Gripe Sheet’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P for pilot) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny…(I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last…

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget!

Introducing “The Short Humour(Humor) Site”!


Dear comedy fans, I have stumbled onto a veritable treasure trove of choice comedy tidbits or short stories, called The Short Humour Site, which is really, really worth a visit!

I’ve just read one of these stories from a British comedian Charlie Wade, called Safety Begins At Home about an annual convention of safety inspectors that goes a bit pearshaped. I thoroughly enjoyed myself!

This is NOT a site with loads of hype that passes for humor these days, but well thought-out, down-to-earth comedy that will make your belly shake. Enjoy!

P.S.: The Amock.net editor Mister Gurmeet Mattu and myself are also featured there.

Funny, funnier, funniest!


Image representing Experience Project as depic...

Image via CrunchBase

I just read a story about “Why English teachers retire early.” on the Experience Project. These are said to be similes committed by high school students. I haven’t laughed so good and so long in ages. I thought that I would share it with you all, here is the link:  Click!

For anyone who loves a good laugh!!!