From http://highoctanehumor.com/: After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from …
Tag Archives: humorous jokes
Job Ad… – Joke
From cheleshere on ExperienceProject.com: A man goes into the Job Center in downtown Denver and sees an ad for a gynecologist’s assistant. Interested, he asks the clerk for details. The clerk says, “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down, …
Expectations of a Somber Kind – joke
From Adriano Vandersypen:
Paradise Lost! – Joke
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m afraid I have some very bad news… Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below …
Grandmas Are Great! – LOL
From thundersex on ExperienceProject.com: A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a Nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. …
Just Tazing! – Joke
From “funny jokes & pics “: Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking …
Wife Rules The Roost. – Joke
From climber1 on Experience Prohect: Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, ‘Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.’ ‘Oh yeah?’ said Charlie, ‘And how did this one end?’ ‘When it was over,’ Mike replied, ‘She came to me on her hands and knees.’ ‘Really,’ said Charles, …
Don’t Mess With Senior Citizens! – Joke
From Buckle up, Bitches: A married couple is travelling by car from Victoria to Prince George. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they …
Is There Sex After Death? – Joke
From “funny jokes & pics “ : A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, …
PERFECT PUNISHMENT! – Joke
From Funny Jokes and Pictures : Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the …
Life Explained – Joke
From Boxersoff4u on Experience Project: On the first day, God created the dog and said: ‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’ The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. …
Talking About Sex In Public? – Joke
From 1petitegreeneyes on Experience Project: A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses …
Married Life. – Joke
From FB~ Troublemakers: A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to ‘Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin’. ‘What?’ said the puzzled groom. ‘How can that be possible if you’ve been married ten times.?’ ‘Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; …
Banana Split – Joke.
From Mediamira Maral : A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’
Temperatures! – Joke
From my friend Ricki: :+18 C People from Hawaii put on the second blanket+10 C People from Helsinki turn off their heating system+2 C Italian cars don’t start0 C Distilled water freezes-1 C Expiration becomes visible. Russians eat icecream and drink cold beer-4 C Your dog jumps in the bed with you-10 C French cars …
Hamster Diagnosis – Joke.
From thesower on Experience Project. A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet’s diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around …
Priest Sipping Vodka – Joke
From http://www.thejokeyard.com/ A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get …
Donations??? – Joke
From ronanp on Experience Project. A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. …
Divorce! – Joke
From “funny jokes & pics “ An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, “Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough.” “Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” …
Female Quitwittedness? – Joke
From “funny jokes & pics “ Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married: The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. …
Find Inner Peace! – Joke
From “funny jokes & pics “ I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a medical TV show, I have finally found inner peace. A doctor proclaimed the way to achieve inner …
Paris Hilton Shows Her Ditsy Side Big Time – Joke.
From Abel Rodriguez on TheSpoof.com Paris Hilton recently appeared on The View and told Barbara Walters that she wants to be taken more seriously. The Hollywood celebutante went on to say that her goal is to somehow find a way to raise her IQ from the low 70s to somewhere up in the high 60s.
Talking Dog For Sale. – Joke.
From Buckle up, Bitches A man sees a sign outside a house – ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’ He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.The man sees a very nice looking brown dog sitting there. “Do you really talk?” he asks the dog.”Yes,” the …
An Angry Wife – Joke.
From happytuesday on Experience Project. A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly …
Pants! – Joke
A man comes into a bookshop and asks the sales lady where he might find the book: The Man Wears the Pants at Home! She answers: “Second floor, Sir. In the fairy tale-section.”
Getting Fit. – Joke
From Itzme123 on Experience Project. For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 33 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called …
Fun With Copz! – Joke.
From “funny jokes & pics “ Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.Woman: Oh, I see…. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle …
Payback! – Joke.
From Funny Jokes and Pictures A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”… She responds by yelling, at …
Morning Sex – Joke.
Roflmao!
Gay Ranch Hand – Joke.
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard …
