Someone Has Problems! – LOL


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What if the Lord came back today?


"Cleric, Knight, and Workman": the t...

“Cleric, Knight, and Workman”: the three estates in a French medieval illumination (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What if the Lord came back today?
What do you think He would say?

What if the Lord looked into your heart…
And told you not to hate in His name!

What if He came and looked into your eyes?
Would you hold His gaze or look away?

What if Jesus Christ came back…
and nobody listened, nobody cared?

What if He came back today,
and decided not to stay?

4 Toltec Life Secrets to Expand Your Consciousness.


From highexistence.com:

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In his book The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz outlines four simple principles, or “agreements” that one can practice to radically change one’s experience and perception of the human experience.

Once a doctor, Ruiz’s life took a dramatic turn when he was in a car accident and had an out-of-body experience. It was then that he realized he needed to pursue the study of the wisdom tradition passed down through his family.

The wisdom tradition of his family was that of the Toltecs, an ancient Mesoamerican people who were the intellectual and cultural predecessors to the Aztecs. Ruiz became a shaman in the Toltec tradition and a spiritual teacher.

After 15 years of teaching and learning about methods of healing the human mind, Ruiz wrote The Four Agreements, a concise, practical guide to his most fundamental lessons.

Domestication and the Dream of the Planet

Ruiz opens the book with what can be thought of as the overarching conceptual framework of the book. He writes:

“There are thousands of agreements you have made with yourself, with other people, with your dream of life, with God, with society, with your parents, with your spouse, with your children. But the most important agreements are the ones you made with yourself. In these agreements you tell yourself who you are, what you feel, what you believe, and how to behave. The result is what you call your personality. In these agreements you say, “This is what I am. This is what I believe. I can do certain things, and some things I cannot do. This is reality, that is fantasy; this is possible, that is impossible.”

The agreements Ruiz is speaking of can be thought of as ways of thinking and acting that we have either knowingly or unknowingly agreed to follow. His whole idea is that many of these agreements are entirely self-limiting, insidious, backwards, and harmful.

Ruiz suggests that each of our individual lives can be thought of as a “waking dream.” What he means by this is that our subjective experience is essentially a personal illusion that we create through the beliefs we’ve agreed to hold.

To read more click the link at the top!

 

First Principle of Wicca.


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From Wicca Teachings:

“As above, So Below” is a saying in Wicca. This phrase comes from the beginning of The Emerald Tablet and embraces the entire system of traditional and modern magic which was inscribed upon the tablet in cryptic wording by Hermes Trismegistus.

The significance of this phrase is that it is believed to hold the key to all mysteries. All systems of magic are claimed to function by this formula. “‘That which is above is the same as that which is below’…Macrocosmos is the same as microcosmos. The universe is the same as the God and Goddess, The God and Goddess is the same as man, man is the same as the cell, the cell is the same as the atom, the atom is the same as…and so on, ad infinitum.

“As within, so without” is like the saying As you sow, so shall you reap. This is also known as the Law of Cause and Effect or Karma. Whatever we put out in the Universe is what comes back to us. If what we want is happiness, peace, friendship, love…Then we should BE happy, peaceful, loving, a friend. Negative energy sent out to others will come back to you.

 

Correction Needed!


Forward error correction

Forward error correction (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear readers,

What I have long feared has come to pass! We who take the internet as scripture, must guard against it being inaccurate. Anything written down in these hallowed halls should be set in stone, so to speak. To state the bleedin’ obvious:  I’ve found a mistake on the internet and in the most unlikely of places, namely Wikipedia. I’ve contacted them, but they adamantly refuse to correct it! I’m wondering if I should start a petition? Could you join me in bringing it to everyone’s awareness, please?

Here’s the link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mistake

They’re actually blatant about it!

Dream of Imperfection.


The Dream Society

The Dream Society (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When God was just a boy,
He dreamt of imperfection
and of endless endings
in a universe of matter.

One that mattered just to Him,
where His champions would thrive
and after jumping countless hurdles
would be reunited just with Him.

To Pork or Not to Pork?


Disclaimer: Deeply religious people should probably not indulge… ->?

From foodriot.com

From foodriot.com

There are groups of people, who are forbidden to partake of pork, because their Good Book tells them so. It would be interesting to follow this law to its origin and to look at the historical consequences of it.

Apparently, about three thousand years ago, The Almighty changed a bunch of brothers into pigs, for treating their sibling shabbily, but when they repented He changed them back, minus one brother, who either was misplaced or got away.

Disliking the practice of cannibalism, these groups of people decided to abstain altogether, so as not to even remotely run the risk of accidentally gobbling up their great-etcetera-grandfather, which was very humane of them. They continue to do so till this day, but what could conceivably have happened after the unlucky brother was misplaced?

Is it likely, if he had even one ounce of God-fearing faith left in him, that he would bang other sows of a previously non-human nature? And if he was a horny sod, who did manage to procreate, what is the probability, considering the yumminess of bacon, that he or his progeny would have survived till today? Not being a mathematician, I leave the outcome to this statistical question to my more learned brethren. However, awaiting this outcome, I think it a fair assumption that it be reasonably safe to eat pork in this day and age, without actually becoming a cannibal.

It must be acknowledged that certain individuals, whom we shall charitably call humans, do exhibit traits befitting pigs, especially around feeding time. Could it have transpired that the naughty brothers only feigned repentance, but in reality were not? Is this the reason why their descendents produce this behaviour? Or did the missing pig find The Lord on his own merit, for being a good little piggy and did The Almighty change him back, without bothering to tell the rest of us? But once in a while he and his kin still revert to their piggish shenanigans?

Whatever the case may be, we are lucky that these porky individuals of dubitable human appearance, do not in the least look appetising and that no-one in their right mind would take a bite out of their hind quarters. But to be on the safe side, it would perhaps be advisable to eat a hotdog instead, where one can be absolutely certain that these contain not one ounce of meat. I shall rest my debatable case for the time being.

 

Mister Big Child.


Magic Is a Child

Magic Is a Child (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No, at the risk of annoying you, I shall never relent in my praise of Marlo Morgan’s book: Mutant Message Down Under. Among the many Aboriginal customs she describes there, is one where people change their names, whenever they themselves feel that they have learned an important life lesson, which therefore makes them better human beings.

To honour this custom I have decided that I shall henceforth be known as Mister Big Child, the king-less jester to a court of none, but you can call me MBC for short. I realise that I am utterly human and my faults are still legion, but my childlike wonder is still undiminished. Where I thought I had lost the capability to rejoice in the simple things that life so generously provides us with, I had merely misplaced it. Reading the above-mentioned book has restored my belief completely. My faith in the existence of magic has been revitalized and I am bubbling over with glee, simply because I am alive.

I had lost sight of the prime directive of magic: “When you ask, you shall receive what is correct for you and for the good of all living beings.” In other words, you get what you need, but not necessarily what you want, because it must be for the greater good. Karma is particular about that!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have personally lived and breathed magic, during my last years on the streets in Spain. It took a harsh school and some rather strange encounters to get me there, but I did it and I was never without what I really needed. I shall reveal to you some of the methods that I used, so that you may try them out for yourselves.

1. Ask and ye shall receive (, under the condition that you really need it!) You can ask out loud or silently, but it works even better if you visualise it and send it up to Karma, for her to deliver. However…, it is extremely important that you let go of it completely, because if you keep the desire, then there is no room for the real thing to materialise.

2. Be specific and for heaven’s sake be careful with the wording! Someone asked for an open heart, meaning empathy and such, but got surgery instead.

3. Have complete and utter faith. In fact, thank Karma or your god for what you are about to receive, before you get it, instead of afterwards. Even though giving thanks twice can never hurt. Many were the times that I worried, only to mentally kick myself afterwards for having doubted. It was only after I told myself to stop worrying, that Karma obliged.

4. Always stay positive. The more you fret, the more trouble you attract, by force of this negativity. The more upbeat you are, the more good things come to you.

5. Do not ask for luxury, for you do not ‘need’ it. Karma is not the lottery! You will not get it, period.

6. Also very important to keep in mind is the old maxim: Be careful what you wish for…

7. Constantly re-evaluate your situation and ask yourself what is important for you and for the good of all.

Thus far my humble contribution in the teachings of magic. By the way, by no means did I invent these. They came my way through sometimes unorthodox channels, from being far more enlightened than I.

I will just elaborate on this last bit. When you are open to magic, spirituality, call it what you will, then you are emitting on a certain frequency and the answers will come to you through any and all mediums at the disposal of Karma or your God. It is important to be receptive and never to give a second thought to the cover of the book, person, movie, etcetera that is sent your way.

A last severe admonishment: Do not under any circumstance wish somebody harm, for it will come back at you a hundredfold!!!

Home.


Finally Home

Finally Home (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Every brand of spirituality holds a kernel of truth, recognisable by the clear sound of a tinkling bell, deep within your being. When you feel this tolling, you know what is right or wrong, without persuasion or endless debate. For a split second you are connected with the bliss of universal truth, a blind man seeing for the very first time.

A seeker cherishes these revelations that come far and in between, until finally he’s thrown into the rapids, where bubbles of light  abound. When finally he is received into the presence of unity, he is struck dumb by the enormity of its simplicity. The shackles of glimmer disintegrate and only wonder remains.

Words fail you, but there is no more need for them.

Greetings from Above.


God the Father 16

God the Father 16 (Photo credit: Waiting For The Word)

 

What if God’s thoughts were spun of light.
Are not his Angels purely white?
Was not the word sent from Above
always and ever  that of love?

His thoughts caressing our faces,
pulling us to Him like laces,
is a notion which makes me smile.
Why not ponder this for a while?

How every morning’s new blessing
no longer needs second guessing.
‘t Is the Lord come to say: “Good day!
Hop along, on your merry way!”

Angels on Earth.


From 123rf.com

From 123rf.com

An angel on Earth
on loan from Above.
You present: its birth
and time of shared love.

But just for a while,
remember each smile,
for leave you she must,
though not back to dust.

For others are waiting,
their need just as great,
their time just as brief,
before starts the grief.

Please, do keep in mind:
to whom comes their kind?
To those who are blessed!
I speak not in jest.

Circles so tragic
do hold their magic:
Angels don’t forget
the bond they beget.

To A STRANGER.


English: Walt Whitman. Library of Congress des...

by: Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

ASSING stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me as of a dream,)
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall’d as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,
You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only,
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone,
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.
Note from Ralphie: I have felt like this a million times.

The Reality of Magic.


 

Tree buddha

Tree buddha (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

We are all living a lie. The truth of the matter is upside down. What we have been led to believe is the truth is a blatant lie. It is time to expose the reality of magic. You may think that I am joking. If at the end of this article you still think so, so be it, but I am  in earnest. I shall give you a couple of examples and leave it up to you to decide what is what.

Every different kind of psychology will tell you that at the core of every human being there is a diamond that has been corrupted and smudged, if not completely hidden, by the limitations forced upon us by our society. When a child is very young, it sees every aspect of life as a miracle, but after it has been indoctrinated to disbelieve the wonder of its own eyes, the glamour fades into insignificance. Which is a crying shame, for that glamour, that way of looking at this wonderful world of ours is actually the whole truth of it.

Let us take an instance which most of us can relate to, i.e. the fact of falling in love. When you fall in love, you see that special person in his or her totality. Not the mere physical aspect, but to the core, including the soul and the spirit. You see the true potential of him or her.  Afterwards, through routine, etcetera you ´think´that this was just a dream, but actually the opposite is true. It is merely you that have fallen out of sync with the reality of that person. All you have to do to go back to that state of perception is to fall in love with them all over again.

Let us try a different example that is not interrelational. Look at a sunset. We all know the specifics of the matter. Earth turns around the Sun and so on and so forth, but if we are in sync with nature, we can experience the true miracle of each sunrise in all of its splendour. If however we are feeling out of sorts and no longer in sync, we just see a yellow blob in the sky, which is a pity.

I shall now take one of my favourite examples, which is that of a tree. When one looks at a tree, one can see many things. One might see just a lump of wood or one might see a living magical being that transforms carbide monoxide into oxygen and allows us to breathe. We could see the tree in all its magnificence and imagine the roots which are as extended as that which we see above ground.

But this is not all, our brain has been wired in such a fashion that we can only see matter in its limited form. We do not see the atoms and the swirling electrons that surround it, making the tree into a virtual universe in itself. The fact of the ´matter´is that everything which exists is alive on a higher or lower frequency in that everything is pure energy, but our brain does not allow us to see it.

I shall leave you with the notice that we can all of us truly shine and we can all of us truly notice the others shining, if we only get rid of our blinkers and shackles, forced upon us by those who would have us live a lie. More to follow.

Life Explained – Joke


Dog sunny Day Afternoon

Dog sunny Day Afternoon (Photo credit: allert)

From Boxersoff4u on Experience Project:

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.  For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’

The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking.  How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.  For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’

The monkey said: ‘ Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform.  How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family.  For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

‘Eat, sleep, play , marry and enjoy your life.  For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’

But man said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.  For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.  For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.  And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

To Archangel Raphael.


From dedroidify.blogspot.com

From dedroidify.blogspot.com

From the core of my being
I wish for the freeing
from the bonds of hatred
of all of mankind.

For the melting of frost
and the ice in their hearts,
for the knowledge that kindness
is stronger than might.

Go bring them my love,
whose supply is not finite,
for connected to many,
who stand in your light.

Together we stand, unafraid
and whole in our souls,
a fountain of bounties,
for all to share and enjoy.

Aware that the pleasure of giving
is much sweeter than taking,
the latter not needed,
for the glow goes both ways.

A Prayer to Michael.


Archangel of Mercy,
to Michael this plea,
on behalf of my friends,
to give them some sign
from one who was lost.

Unburden their hearts,
bring them some light,
a message from the Lord,
that all will be right,
reunited in love, up above.

Please, hear my prayer
for these unselfish souls,
unblemished and kind to a fault,
please bring a halt
to the hurt and the pain…

Married Life. – Joke


images

From FB~ Troublemakers:

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to ‘Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin’.

‘What?’ said the puzzled groom.

‘How can that be possible if you’ve been married ten times.?’

‘Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he just kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.. Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. .

Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was … God I miss him.

‘But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited’. ‘Wonderful’, said the husband, ‘but why? To which she replied, ‘You’re with the ‘GOVERNMENT‘ . .. This time I KNOW I’M gonna get SCREWED.

Meet Rumi!


303461_368257859884639_1218383380_nStumbled onto this 13th century Persian poet, Rumi on Gypsy Spirit Wind. I thought you’d like to meet him too (if you haven’t already):

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
 and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”
― Rumi —

For more Rumi-nations: <Click here!>

The Genesis of Us.


The first chapter of B'reshit, or Genesis, wri...

Whatever sparked the Genesis of Us,
That primal kiss that brushed our lips,
before the dawn of Man’s conception?

Was it included in  the Father’s breath
upon that humble lump of clay,
the  perception perhaps of a need,
even greater than survival?

Could it be His hunger for poetry
that initiated the thought,
brought it into being?

Two being One,
also without the gift of seeing:
pure sense of utter feeling,
which can no longer be denied?

Was it written
into the very fabric of existence?
To me it matters not one whit.
That thou art is enough!

Still Standin’! – Pause


About three or four years ago, I met my friend Nigel, who’s a busker in Andalusia, Spain and we started counting, which of our friends and acquaintances had fallen by the wayside in just one year’s time. We stopped counting when we came to thirty. The street is a very hard place to live and an even harder place to die: alone, despised and forgotten by most. I don’t know if it has made me stronger, these years of being down and out, but I’m still standing and, I’m happy to say, so is my friend Nigel. I hope our friends have gone on to a better place. Amen!

P.S.: If anybody knows of a place to house-sit or pet-sit, when I get back in March, please let me know… anywhere in Spain or even outside of it will do.

From Shut Up I'm Still Talking

From Shut Up I’m Still Talking

 

Pre-Existent!


Hubble Space Telescope Advanced Camera for Sur...

Hubble Telescope image of Comet 73P. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

‘This’ does not belong

– yet –

‘It’ is pale and flat,

pre-existent…

That abstract bundle

Of floating atoms is

Merely Out There,

All alone, an orphan,

Lost in empty space.

Not connected to me…

To bring it inside,

To make it belong,

To give it worth,

It needs a name.

In this I am like God…

The WORD creates

A place for ‘this’ or ‘that’

In my private universe.

Naked Be.


The Garden of Five Senses, ,

The Garden of Five Senses, , (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

That velvet glove of darkness
and quickening of the senses
doth suit me so very well…

I succumb to night’s embrace,
heightening my perceptions and
open the portal to the other side.

I long to cross the narrow divide
between worldly intentions and
the greater reality of dreams.

Nothing ever is what it seems.

Shed the mask and naked be,
as if standing before your God:
stark, pure and true only to self!

For The Children! – Pause.


Stained glass at St John the Baptist's Anglica...

Stained glass at St John the Baptist’s Anglican Church http://www.stjohnsashfield.org.au, Ashfield, New South Wales. Illustrates Jesus’ description of himself “I am the Good Shepherd” (from the Gospel of John, chapter 10, verse 11). This version of the image shows the detail of his face. The memorial window is also captioned: “To the Glory of God and in Loving Memory of William Wright. Died 6th November, 1932. Aged 70 Yrs.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

From Lieven Grillaert

Just found this….. nice 🙂 :::: ====> Twas’ 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38   when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven’s gate.   Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.   They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.   They were filled with such joy, they didn’t know what to say. …  They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.   “Where are we?” asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.   “This is heaven.” declared a small boy. “we’re spending Christmas at   God’s house.”   When what to their wondering eyes did appear,   the children gathered near.   He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.   Then He opened His arms and He called them by name.   And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring   Those children all flew into the arms of their King   and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,   one small girl turned and looked at Jesus’ face.   And as if He could read all the questions she had,   He gently whispered to her, “I’ll take care of mom and dad.”   Then He looked down on earth, the world far below   He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe…   then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,   “Let My power and presence re-enter this land!”   “may this country be delivered from the hands of fools”   “I’m taking back my nation. I’m taking back my schools!”   then He and the children stood up without a sound.   “Come now my children, let me show you around.”   excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.   All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.   and I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,   “In the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT.”

Angels Playing.


Petit nacré

Petit nacré (Photo credit: ComputerHotline)

I saw two angels playing
to an audience of their peers.
A friendly game it was.
Flitting,  diving, weaving,
mother-of-pearl wings aglow.

Their auras shining brightly
with translucent pastel hues,
a dripping rain-forest of fire.

Even God was clapping,
for an angelic double helix
is a marvel to behold.

And when the game was over,
the two did present themselves,
out of sainted breath.

The Great Umpire called a draw.
The prize for NOT having a winner:
a divine hug for one and all.

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?


Worried!

Worried! (Photo credit: photoloni)

There is a word in the Arab language called ‘makhtub` and it gives me the willies! I heard that it is mentioned in the Tora somewhere aswell and it means”It is written!” Which is to say that from the moment you are born until you expel your final breath, everything you say, feel or do is pre-destined. If you truly grasp the enormity of this concept, you want to just lay down and die, for what is the use of ever trying!?

I hear you saying: “But the Lord gave man the freedom of choice!”  What choice is that, when everything was written down even before you were born? And even if you choose to live as good a life as you possibly can, what if you get caught up in circumstances beyond your control, as many of us are?

Let us say you are a father or a mother, who works hard every single day to provide the best things in life for your children and for your partner and then you get caught up in a war (probably over some silly dispute concerning religion) and you and your family are subjected to the most horrifying ordeals, being innocents? What kind of deity lets these kinds of things happen?

And on the other hand the nasties are thriving, probably because the devil takes care of his own. Whichever way you look at it, I choose to stay on the good side, whatever happens, but it makes me doubt everything and yes.. it makes me angry! Why do bad things happen to good people?It is so grossly unfair! But then, who ever said life was fair?

What about worrying? No amount of worrying has ever changed the outcome of any given situation. Yes, but were are human after all. Sometimes I find myself wanting to kick my own behind for having worried over something, when after all the anxiety, what I wanted or needed came to happen in the end anyway. But there is never any guarantee, is there!??

My biggest worry is: Am I going to die on the streets like a dog, like so many of my friends, or will the Lord grant me some more happy years? In any case, I shall ignore Makhtub and do my damndest to ensure that the outcome be positive! On this upbeat note, I hug you all. Ciao from Ralphie and may the Light be with you!

Do You Pray Like This? – Joke.


Ironing board

Ironing board (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

By darkice123 on the Experience Project.

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

“Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.

Ouch!