Some Doubtful Certainties.

The naughty nature of my early years was exhausting, but well worth the effort! My formative years were largely a waste of time. I’m trying to forget them! Rules and regulations: the obstruction of the natural flow of life, to the enjoyment of none, for the benefit of the few! Law: that necessary stuff to […]

Limericks, Spoonerisms and other similar poetry. (Language Warning)

Originally posted on John The Aussie:
Okay So I want to make a collection of Limerick, spoonerised and just funny poetry. Exactly like Pheasant Pluckers Wife. Or man from Nantuckit.  Got any?  Share them please (with credits)! So I was told to put in explanations of limericks and spoonerisms first so people get the jist…

Wonna Have Some Automated Speech Fun?

This was sent to me by a friend of mine. It’s cute to try the demo and should you wish, you can get a 15 day free trial to create your own automated messages with virtual characters to enhance your site! <Click here!> to use the demo, where you choose the language, the character(male or […]

Kim Kardashian Rides Camel ‘cos Boyfriend Sucks?

I’m a bit of an anti-socialite. I would personally rather start a collection of bird droppings than read all about what some rich bimbo is up to. Apparently every fart emitted by this wonder of the social media is examined closely by the farterazzi, to ascertain whether it might not contain gold-dust. But being an […]

The Thing about Vampires…+

You know how vampires, in the movies, always look dressed to the nines. They never have a hair out-of-place. Two minutes after biting someone and sucking several pints of blood they have a ‘whiter than white smile’. Never any dandruff on their lapels… If they are female, the hairdo is vamptastic. But… how do they […]

Toddler Tim’s Quest for the Culpit!

Toddler Tim had been promised a yummy piece of cake, which would be waiting for him on the window sill, until “after” he’d finished all his dinner, veggies included. Toddler Tim found this unnecessarily cruel for his Mum to make him suffer a river of drool, all the while that she was preparing dinner, but […]

Starting the WordPress Idiot Club!

I plead guilty, ladies and gentlemen, it’s not that I’m terminally stupid, but certain things are and always will be beyond me… For example, try as I may, I will NEVER understand women! I’ve talked with them at length, I’ve lived with some and I’ve slept with some, but I do not comprehend certain peculiarities […]

Burcke’s Subjective Well-beingness Table.

I’ve been thinking about whales again. They do fascinate me and especially the way they sing and communicate with one another. These titanic mammals can not be but highly intelligent. What if their songs were composed of sequences of statements about their general health and well-being? Let us assume for a second that the first […]

April 10 (I)…Insults, Shakespearean in Nature

Originally posted on Spotts in the Valley of the Sun:
I have always been a fan of the well-crafted insult – the one that is diplomatic to the point of seeming (almost) benign, yet delivering a well-aimed zinger with remarkable aplomb.  Many a great author has come up with good, stinging rebukes that make you…

New Series of “Yes, Prime Minister!” ordered!

YEAAAHHHH!!! This is one of the most brilliant comedy series ever! Digital channel GOLD has ordered a brand new series of hit 1980s satirical sitcom Yes, Prime Minister. This is a news flash from the British Comedy Guide! Yes, Prime Minister, the hit 1980s political sitcom, is to return to television with a brand new […]

Easter Bunny Accidentally Killed!

I was out hunting trolls with my bow and arrows. This is the only hunting sport that I indulge in. Or should I say, this is the only species that I can hit with me weapon of choice. You all know that trolls are about as big as a barn and as my eyesight not […]

Reader’s Rant: That Guy Part Four

Originally posted on BrainRants:
You just have to love the power of crowdsourcing. All of us are definitely more pissed and frustrated than just one of us – or just me – in spite of the high levels of rantium (Element number 115) I have in my system. I’ve got some awesome feedback from the…

Ralphie’s Perspective…

We were driving through the countryside, when I noticed some ruins that looked splendid in their worn-outness. I remarked to myself how difficult it is for me to render this faithfully on canvas, as I am not very good at painting or drawing architecture. Thus it came to be that I was pondering the rules […]

How Finnish People Deal With the Cold.

10°C/50°F Tenants in Helsinki turn off the central heating, the Finns start planting flowers. 7°C/44°F Also planting vines. 5°C/41°F The Finns are sunbathing, while the sun still gets over the horizon. 2°C/36°F Italian cars won’t start. 0°C/32°F Pure water freezes. -1°C/30°F Your breath becomes visible, time to start planning the vacation to the Mediterranean. The […]

Web-bred: easy money for Smarties

Originally posted on Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge:
Forget those worrisome background checks, giving up of Facebook passwords, and less than stellar resumes. Who wants to sit in all those boring classes learning marketable skills? (Besides you’ve always know you’re special – too special to start at the bottom)  Smarties use what’s already available. Use…

Ralphie’s Paradox and the Duality of the Universe.

  Bear with me, Ladies and Gentlemen, for I think I just figured out the meaning of the universe and everything, and some rather surprising revelations have come to light. Oh, and by the way, you are all stark, raving bonkers! I have been thinking how a positive shape(e..g. a square) is just as easily […]

Hopelessly Confused…

Methinks that the Fates have played a cruel joke on poor little Ralphie. These divine ladies are responsible for weaving the design of every human’s destiny. However, I find that what could have been the beautiful tapestry of my destiny has turned out to be a travesty. Am I correct in saying that a tapestry […]