Wordads is “on” for Ralphie´s Portal!

Personalizando WordPress 1.5

Personalizando WordPress 1.5 (Photo credit: juanpol)

Ladies and gentlemen, dear readers,

This site has been running for a year now and I have and am still enjoying it immensely. I thank all the visitors for their interest and hope they shall continue to visit. Furthermore, I have met many interesting and lovely people here on WordPress and from elsewhere. However, I am extremely poor and it is for this reason that I have applied for Wordads to hopefully make some money with this blog, because being on the streets is not an ideal situation for me. I hope and pray that this does not inconvenience you too much and that you shall continue visiting regardless!

Hugs and such from Ralphie.


Sunshine Award(twice) and Creative Chaos Award!

First of all, I want to apologise profusely  to dear Tania from the TANIAJESSICASMITH site and good ole Roly from the Sarchasm2 site for being so tardy in responding to their kindness in awarding us respectively the Creative Chaos Award and the Sunshine Award. Although my life has been very hectic indeed around here, that is still no excuse for having waited so long. A very belated heartfelt thanks to these wonderful people! — Can I please get up from my bended knees now? No, not yet. Ok, I’ll stay down a little while longer then. — Btw, I greatly deserve the chaos part of the Creative Chaos Awards, I think!

And secondly I would like to thank the lovely Hope from The Stay At Home Philosopher site for nominating us a second time for the Sunshine Award, which she probably wouldn’t have done had she known that we’d already received one, but there you go. Two is always(in the case of awards anyway) better than one.

Now comes the scary part, where I have to reveal about myself…or about the other authors on our site 10 little known facts:

1, I don’t know WTF is Alan Rickman. Did he play in Mash?

2, I have a Gran, who has a broom and a black cat!

3, I have good friend, who is a wonderful poet and is called Lieven.

4, I have shoesize ten.

5, My Gran has not! Correct me if I’m wrong, Gran…

6, Our lovely Polly here knows a lot about witchery(and so does my Gran!).

7, I love strawberries with whipped cream.

8, I like women covered in whipped cream!

9, I am now daydreaming about… uhhmm… strawberries(nice save, wasn’t it?’)!

10, If anybody gives me any lip, I’ll set my Gran on them!

And here I am, still on bended knees— May I? No, still not. Ok!—, with tonight’s nominees for the Oscars: Creative Chaos Awards, in other words for procrastinating in a most creative fashion:






I am still here, starting to get cramps— Oh come on! Still nothing doing? Auch! — to divulge the names of the nominees for the Sunshine Award, or in other words for those who made me smile with their wit and/or knowledge(although the 5 aforementioned ones also did!):











All fifteen nominees appeared in no particular order, by the way! — Can I get up now? Yes, good. Oops, I’m stuck! Gran, somebody, call someone to help ole Ralphie get back up, please! —

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Let me state, for the record, that Ralphie’s Portal is a team effort and that it is largely due to my co-authors that so many visitors stay interested in us, for which I thank my friends from the bottom of my heart!

P.S.: To whom it may concern: Please, no more awards for us, ’cause these ones nearly killed me!

Rejection – *sob*

(This story was inspired by the reading of the post on finely crafted Shakespearean insults, see reblogged posts!)

Rejection Therapy logo

Rejection Therapy logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I submitted what I thought was a humorous story to my editor and he rejected it. Now, I am no stranger to rejection. In fact, I married her, but after two weeks of marital disjunction, she filed for divorce and demanded custody of the key to my padded cell! I have not seen hide nor feather of her since. She even took the tar with her.

And as  if this were not enough, I got the above-mentioned story shoved back down my esophagus. But this was not what did me in, dear reader, it was the phrasing of said rejection that caused me grievous comical harm. How would YOU like to get this email for breakfast, on an empty stomach and hung over:

“Dear Mr. Burcke,

Concerning your latest contribution:

Although your addressing me as “Deer Editor” made me smile, I should point our to you that ours is not a publication that caters to hunters. However, do allow me the privilege of shooting down your submission and this for the following reasons:

Your comprehension of the laws of comedy is so astronomically minute as to embrace gravity. Even though your logic is so drearily quaint and so hopelessly safe as to actually make a foolish kind of sense. Every morsel of wisdom to you is like the square root of an apple pie. Your comical astuteness has been known to make turnips yawn. Next to you, the boringest person in the entire universe is but a reflection in the mirror. My dear chap, you could force an insomniac into hibernation by reading this story to him out loud!

Although it must be said, in all honesty, that you have the waffle business down pat. Perhaps you should consider a career vending the latter on market day!? Oh and do me the courtesy of unsubscribing me from your list of hunting acquaintances. There’s a good chap!

Signed, The Turnip Hunter, editor in chief.”

Waffling, me? I’ve never baked in me life!

Your Five Minutes of Fame?

29 Minutes of Fame

29 Minutes of Fame (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Getting your blog read is about coöperation, is it not? What if, by working together, we could guarantee that your blog would be read on a given day in the future, by all those who decide to join in this endeavour? I propose that we solemnly promise to go visit each site that joins this effort on the day that is appointed to it, on the basis of “first come, first served”. On this day, every other “member” would first of all post a link to said weblog and actually go and read all their latest work.

Let us start on the first of May, to give us the time to get organised. I will not keep a calendar, the first blogger to agree to this procedure only has to comment on this blog post by putting a link in the comment to their home page, plus the date, which would obviously be May, 1st. The second one to reply would get our combined visits on May, 2nd and so on..

It’s just a thought, anyone up for it?

Let me recap:

1. You automatically agree to the following procedure by commenting on this blog post. Others, please abstain!

2. First blogger to join posts a link to their home page and the date: May 1st. Second one idem ditto, but the date is May 2nd for them and so on.

3. On May the first all the participants post the link to the home page of the first blogger to join, on their own blog AND go and visit said blog and read as much as possible(+comment, like, etc…)

My sister and brother bloggers, united we stand!

Introducing: the LOL Award.

LOL Award!

from omg-facts.com

For their consistency in making me grin like a nincompoop, laugh sheepishly at my not having thought of it earlier and laughing out loud at their superior wit, I bestow this award upon:

Felix O’Shea from @GrumpyComments

“Whatshisface?” from Brainrants

Sarchasm from Sarchasm2

Philip from RoboticRhetoric

No rules for this award. Pass it along if you like, guys!

P.S.: Doctor(ed) bills to treat severe muscle cramps and such, as a direct result of reading their oeuvre of indecent merriment will follow!

Kreativ Blogger Awards

Master of Creativity: Picasso

This new year of 2012 has started off in an auspicious way! Let me count our blessings, if you will indulge me.

First of all, there are six of us here at the present, who complement each other wonderfully and harmoniously, which in and of itself is enough to keep on blogging like happy chappies and chapesses. You can read all our separate introductions in the header of this site.

Secondly, we have just recently received our second Liebster Blog Award, which you can read up on in an earlier article by clicking <here>

An unexpected third blessing is that we have reached the cape of one hundred followers on our site this very day, for which I thank our devoted readers profusely!       (Followers: 100 ; to wit: 59 WordPress.com blog followers. 9 WordPress.com comment followers. 10 Twitter followers. 22 Facebook followers. = from the site statistics)

And last but certainly not least, on checking our comments this morning, I found that we had received this most treasured of Kreativ Blogger Awards, for which I humbly thank Mister Martin Aliker from “The Happiness nest” site. Click <here> to read the article!

I now have to share ten  things about ourselves:

1. Ralphieportal could not have gotten this award without the contributions of the whole team(fact!).

2. I dearly miss my good friend and our first house-poet Lieven and I hope he comes out of hibernation soon!

3. SelargorNight has posted many poems that have enchanted us all and I hope he continues to do so often!

4. Sheila, our first house-witch, is an adornment to this site and I thank the stars every day that she is my friend(and adopted Gran!).

5. SaintMaj will hopefully regale us with more of his witticisms very soon!

6. Polly has joined her sister-witch and is adored and admired by all of us!

7. Ralphie is still a reprobate and will not be converting to any conformism any time soon, or ever for that matter!

8. Any lonely bloggers that would like to join our happy family can always give us a whistle and we will come a-runnin’! The more the merrier…

9. We’ve had visitors from 73 countries so far and I hope we can continue to spread zany, magical and happy thoughts to the rest of the world.

10. We sincerely hope that our policy of content over technological frills will continue to pay off.

There only remains for me to select my favourites for the Kreativ Blogger Awards and they are the following:

1. @GrumpyComments – always good for a laugh.

2. Lindy Lee – for original poems.

3. Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge – for quantum leaps of the imagination.

4. Linguistic Playfulness – for roaring prose.

5. TheTaoOfD – for thoughtful insights.

6. Waifette – for magnificent photography.

There are evidently many more that I adore, but the rules say that I can only choose six! Sorry about this.

Second Liebster Blog Award.

For the second time since its august inception in the early sixteen hundreds, this blog has been lucky(or perhaps charmed) enough to be granted this award by one of our peers. I hear you mutter: “Sixteen hundreds????” Yes, dear readers, it is a proven fact that my ancestors were blogging on bog-paper long before the internet reared its technological head. Sadly, most records of this have been lost due to hygienic necessity.

I am certain that the granting of said accolade is entirely due to the influx of new blood on ralphiesportal. New blood, who by their endeavours have brought us to the notice of the general public at long last. That this feat was helped by a little  magic, is neither here nor there. I shall now proceed to enumerate the five lucky winners of this German bestowal, namely:






Now, there only remains for me to effusively thank the  donator of the second honouring of our site, the magnanimous, the ever-present, the non-elusive:


P.S.: It is only lack of time and an extreme case of laziness, which prohibits me from listing all the wonderful blogs that I absolutely love, here on our very own Wordpres!