Dirty Old Joke!


Minolta DSC
Minolta DSC

From my sweet wife, Kimberly Maclean:

A octogenarian is walking down the street, when he sees a sign: “Job Vacancy!”. He wouldn’t mind filling his days gainfully and strolls in and tells the HR person that he is interested in the position. The Human Rubbish person tells him that this implies knowledge of high-tech and is really fast paced. The man says to test him and lo and behold he aces the first test. And the second and… heck, all of them!

The Human Rubbish person thinks this very strange and decides to throw him a curve ball. He tells the old man that he is required to test his sperm count and hands him a container. The man says: “What in the blazes do you need my sperm count for???” The dude tells him it’s on the list and that’s that! Our ace asks if he can bring the container back in the morning and is given permission to do so.

The next morning the elderly gentleman comes in and puts the ’empty’ container on the HR person’s desk. The guy says: “Hunhh!???” Well, says the ace, I tried with my left hand, I tried with my right hand. Then my Missus tried with her teeth in and then she tried with her teeth out… But we still couldn’t open the container!

THE WITTY MAHATMA – Joke


From Cynthia Adams:

(legendaryauctions.com)
(legendaryauctions.com)

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College, London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely.

One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room when Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, “Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.” Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry professor. I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table. Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge.

The next day in Class he posed the following question: “Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with money, which one would you take?” Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, “The one with the money, of course.” Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom.” Gandhi shrugged and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.” Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied.

So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi’s exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move. A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and told him in a dignified polite tone, “Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade.”

Miracle Cure!


From Cynthia Adams:

cabernet-sauvignon-03

HEALTH ISSUES WE SHOULD ALL ADDRESS·        Do you ever have feelings of inadequacy?

·        Have you ever suffered from shyness?

·        Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone.  Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Warnings:

·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.

·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many people as you feel it may benefit!

Now, just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz.

%d bloggers like this: