More Zaniness.

  • Today’s popular tunes are like elevator music raised to a high fart.
  • Today’s music is sublime in its moment of discontinuance.
  • Just saw a video about a ‘sexy car’. Does one drive that wearing a condom?
  • I’m bringing out a new drug, called Pandora, to take when you have a mild headache. Side effects: strokes, heart failure and might possibly be infected with bubonic plague. Otherwise perfectly healthy. FDA approved!
  • How would you cure a ukulele addiction?
  • Grandad is up to his geriatricks again! 😀
  • “Always look a gift horse in the mouth!” Trojan dictum.
  • The chair just sat there, pretending to be a sofa and failing miserably.

Living in the Moment.


Today I wanted to live in the moment. The first one was ok, the second one was better, the third one stank, as moments go. I tried to get back to the second one, but it was gone and then I got lost, so I decided to live yesterday all over again. It’s more predictable and the end was fun.

Malicious Slander About Mount Saint Upid.

My place of birth, my abode, my pride and joy has fallen victim to malicious slander. I intend to Sue and cousins Ann and Mary also. Legions of my forebears have been raised on this lovely mountain top, where the knowledge of physics(= working out) and quantumobility have been passed on from cousin to son and so on for ages. You all knows me, do I look thick to you?

Brief explanation of quantumobility:

Little tiny super-guys called Bat Photon, Spider Proton and Hulk Quark(who’s a bit cheesy), who all have superpowers(they can be in two places at the same time, for example) and drive really fast and light vehicles, wiz by there regularly, stopping off to enjoy our Moonshine. Don’t you tell me I know nuttin about cheese!

In short, I ain’t havin’ it!

From I fucking love science:


Correction Needed!

Forward error correction

Forward error correction (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear readers,

What I have long feared has come to pass! We who take the internet as scripture, must guard against it being inaccurate. Anything written down in these hallowed halls should be set in stone, so to speak. To state the bleedin’ obvious:  I’ve found a mistake on the internet and in the most unlikely of places, namely Wikipedia. I’ve contacted them, but they adamantly refuse to correct it! I’m wondering if I should start a petition? Could you join me in bringing it to everyone’s awareness, please?

Here’s the link:

They’re actually blatant about it!

Today Is Animal Day!


Hurray! Hurrah, here’s my  chance to ask you all to please remember my dear departed relative, Mister Blobby Burcke (picture included!). As the last remaining specimen of this elusive species Blobulus Burckulus, I have a vested interest in him not being forgotten. Although yours truly has evolved slightly since Mister Blobby’s untimely departure, I still proudly carry his jeans or was it genes? (either will do)

I’m still working on the procreation bit, but I could use some help! Hint, hint… Anyways, here’s to all animals and Mister Blobby in particular. Have an animal-loving day now, you all!


Bedtime Prayer!

Lord, I want a lot,

a whole lotta cocoa,

to dump in the Milky Way, Lord!

Could you stir it, Lord? Please…

And a very long straw,

one that reaches till my bed, Lord,

so as I can slurp and slurp

and burp and slurp some more, Lord,

uhmmmm…until I snore, please, Lord!

My Ancestor Reviled!

My ancestor Mister Blobby Burcke is at this minute turning around in his grave, after hearing this heart-breaking news. That his charming, noble and delicate features could be described as ugly had never ocurred to him, nor to his many devoted fans. I leave it to you, the reader, to decide for yourselves what you think about what these hoodlums of National Geographic say about him!

From National Geographic:

Smiling Animals

Do you think this animal is ugly? The deep-sea blobfish has been selected to represent endangered ugly animals everywhere.

Blobfish, which live at depths of 2,000 to 4,000 feet (600 to 1,200 meters) off the coast of Australia, are threatened by fishing trawlers that accidentally capture the fish in their nets. They can grow up to 12 inches (30

Of Mountains and Valleys 2.


Mountain (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

A mountain and a valley were having an argument.

When the mountain felt that he could not win the argument, he told the valley to ‘kiss his side’.

The valley answered: “But, Mountain, I do…” That shut him up!


Related Articles:

Ralphie The Great!



I would like to be extremely famous and do great deeds. Such great deeds that world citizens would erect statues of Ralphie the Great everywhere, to be used as toilets by the pigeons.

I would perform these outrageously valient deeds not so much for the sake of mankind, but to be of assistance to the pigeons. You must agree that a good public loo is hard to come by.

Of Mountains and Valleys.

Zugspitze von der Alpspitze aus gesehen. Links...

Zugspitze von der Alpspitze aus gesehen. Links der Jubiläumsgrat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mountains have ever been envious of valleys and vice versa, which seems incongruous, seeing that they’re basically one and the same.

What is a valley, but an inverted mountain of air, with at its deepest point the tops of mountains!?

A million years to a mountain is just enough time to take a quick nap.

A mountain never rests.
It is always busy
being a mountain.

Descriptive Fun.

Deutsch: durex Performa (Kondom).

Deutsch: durex Performa (Kondom). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My covers could hardly be called virginally white these days. They had taken on a whorey tattiness that went remarkably well with my lumpy matress.

The man’s neck hairs would have stood on end, had he not been bald, but taking courage, he strutted forward with all the machismo of an old nun, who had just taken communion.

Yay verily, though I glide through the shadows of the Mound of Venus, I shall fear no breakage! (Ode to Durex)

My morning constitutional had done me justice. My right to sweat like a pig had been upheld.

The emerald crown of this King of trees shone like a beacon.

On this eerie moon-swept night, the mist recoiled from the pallid lake, as if scared of its own reflection. Not a good omen.

The law protects institutionalised crime!

I know, all this makes about as much sense as watering ones lawn would, right after a tsunami had hit.

And again, fornicatory salutations to you all!

Photography, Help Needed!

English: One of the first steps taken on the M...

English: One of the first steps taken on the Moon, this is an image of Buzz Aldrin’s bootprint from the Apollo 11 mission. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin walked on the Moon on July 20, 1969. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My friend complained to me that her flash did not work properly, when she wanted to take a picture of the full Moon.

Any hints or tips for this unfortunate lady?


P.S.: You see in this picture of the Moon? No problem with the flash!

Cyber Speak.


Tweet up

Limited Love Span Syndrome: Kiss, kiss, cuddle, cuddle, go!

Love is all??? Only when I’m online, dear!

Have you got the latest love app yet?

I cuddled your profile, while you were offline!(from Groovimax on EP)

An oldie: Oh, DOS off!

What are you up to? — Just hanging out my Windows, listening to the Tweets. I can’t Facebook anyone now!

I rebooted his sex drive up the Yahoo!(=not good)

Facepalming your duckface is obscene, bitch!

A robodog is what we need. To suffer his affections but for a while, until the off-switch beckons.

Extremely Vegan! :-)

Ralphie the Buffalo, Folsom Field, University ...

Ralphie the Buffalo, Folsom Field, University of Colorado (Photo credit: Ken Lund)

From Ralphie(as in: me, moi)

Annie, our local vegan, was knitting a jumper for her favourite tree. Bright orange it was, to attract the winter bees. She’s blonde, you see… Winter bees, tsk, tsk!

Snail Fun 5!



What is the average response time for the Snail Police?

Watch that Mister Smith snail. He’s missing a few rooms, you know!

Yeah son, Grandpa Snail isn’t as fast as he used to be!

Snail hit and run!!!????

The Snail Police need to catch this murderer before the ‘trail’ runs cold!


Thomas Edison- What a Dufus!

Thomas Alva Edison

Thomas Alva Edison (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Thomas A. Edison

I’ll bet you that on an average working day of discovering 20 ways how not to make a lightbulb, his boss would come up to him and say:
“Keep up the good work, Son. I think you deserve a raise!”

Scientific Breakthrough!

English: Albert Einstein Français : portrait d...

English: Albert Einstein Français : portrait d’Albert Einstein (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ralphie quote:
“There’s been a breakthrough in my procrastination process. My progress is proceeding at lightning speed towards its starting point.
I am to inertia what Einstein was to physics!”

I might even say that I have just invented Quantum Procrastination.

Missing a Screw.

English: Screw from scooter.

Screw from Ralphie. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I must be missing a screw,
I noticed this surprising fact
just now over breakfast.
I was searching for my sleeping cap,
yes, just like that I do things
that make me sit up and wonder…
Hey, isn’t that chicken defrosted yet?
‘Cause this egg is much too cold!
~ Hunhh…??? ~

I wrote this originally in Dutch:

Ik ben zeker een schroefje kwijt.
Dit hoogst opvallend feit
merkte ik net nu bij’t ontbijt.
Ik zocht toen naar m´n slaapmuts…
Ja, zonder erbij stil te staan
doe ik dingen van je weet maar nooit.
Zeg, is die kip nou al ontdooit?
Want dit ei is wel heel erg koud!
~ Hè??!! ~