The first fifty years of my life, I didn’t know what I was doing. I still don’t, but I’m getting better at it!
I discussed Homer with the Simpsons and got nowhere!
Don’t you think that fairy tales give an unrealistic view of the lives of gay people?
Excuse me if I take a while… I’m persuading my legs to carry me!
I figured out why a square is not nice and round. It´s because of those four pointy bits sticking out!
I thought of a brilliant career opportunity! Does anybody want to outsource their sleep? Ralphie´s your man. One word, one snore!
I thought it was still yesterday, but then I found out: it’s tomorrow already!??
Before my next reincarnation, I want a pre-life agreement, so I can skip puberty, mid-life crisis and decrepitude!
I am thinking of getting a dog, I would call him Pavlov. What say you?
Everybody knows about Mendelyev´s table, but whatever happened to his chair?
What is a Buddhist´s Christian name?
My left shoelace had a horrible nightmare last night, it cried out to its twin: “Help, for Feet´s sake, I am undone!”
How do you get to the “middle” of Nowhere? When you get to Nowhere, do you flag down the first cop and ask directions to the city center?
Wow, there comes a sperm whale! ——————-???
If somebody finds me, please return me to…umnhhh…right, second problem!!
Does the driven snow REALLY need a chauffeur?
The slippers of my ignorance make it comfortable to wear.
I am suing my bank! They discriminate against poor people. #$@&%!!!