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Both the New York Mail and The Boston Post have reported that the Obama administration is considering turning chocolate into an illegal substance, due to incidents where abuse of said substance led to abnormal behaviour and passive aggression syndrome towards the government in general. A substantive study is being undertaken by M.I.T.(E.) to look into the allegations. Please write to your member of congress, if you disagree with such stringent measures! More news from Washington as developments break…

From our reporter on site, Mr. Harper Jones.