To Pork or Not to Pork?

Disclaimer: Deeply religious people should probably not indulge… ->?


There are groups of people, who are forbidden to partake of pork, because their Good Book tells them so. It would be interesting to follow this law to its origin and to look at the historical consequences of it.

Apparently, about three thousand years ago, The Almighty changed a bunch of brothers into pigs, for treating their sibling shabbily, but when they repented He changed them back, minus one brother, who either was misplaced or got away.

Disliking the practice of cannibalism, these groups of people decided to abstain altogether, so as not to even remotely run the risk of accidentally gobbling up their great-etcetera-grandfather, which was very humane of them. They continue to do so till this day, but what could conceivably have happened after the unlucky brother was misplaced?

Is it likely, if he had even one ounce of God-fearing faith left in him, that he would bang other sows of a previously non-human nature? And if he was a horny sod, who did manage to procreate, what is the probability, considering the yumminess of bacon, that he or his progeny would have survived till today? Not being a mathematician, I leave the outcome to this statistical question to my more learned brethren. However, awaiting this outcome, I think it a fair assumption that it be reasonably safe to eat pork in this day and age, without actually becoming a cannibal.

It must be acknowledged that certain individuals, whom we shall charitably call humans, do exhibit traits befitting pigs, especially around feeding time. Could it have transpired that the naughty brothers only feigned repentance, but in reality were not? Is this the reason why their descendents produce this behaviour? Or did the missing pig find The Lord on his own merit, for being a good little piggy and did The Almighty change him back, without bothering to tell the rest of us? But once in a while he and his kin still revert to their piggish shenanigans?

Whatever the case may be, we are lucky that these porky individuals of dubitable human appearance, do not in the least look appetising and that no-one in their right mind would take a bite out of their hind quarters. But to be on the safe side, it would perhaps be advisable to eat a hotdog instead, where one can be absolutely certain that these contain not one ounce of meat. I shall rest my debatable case for the time being.


Published by raburcke

I am a comedy writer, oil painter and the founder of this site. Do join me and we will make it a place that everyone will be happy to visit.

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