I know exactly on which day ‘forever’ falls. How do I know that? Let me tell you the story. I was in love with a woman, whom I thought was my twin soul. When I was with her, I could have sworn that she thought the same, silly me. Well, maybe she did but then, as is a woman’s prerogative and often man’s downfall, she changed her mind.
She actually pulled my sleeve a couple of times, with a twinkle in her eyes, telling me: “Hey, you, come back down to Earth!” I was in seventeenth heaven and floating on cloud ninety, but it wasn’t to be. First of all, she was a young widow and then, to top it all off, her beloved mother, who was my good friend, by the way, died of cancer. Those two deaths in two years time, messed her up to such an extent, that she decided she had to be alone, to recover from it all.
In no way was I to blame, she told me. Intellectually, I could understand this, of course. But my shattered heart was not so understanding. The higher you fly, the deeper the fall. This is how I know, that forever falls on March 31st. For she left me on April first, leaving me feeling like a fool and that the joke was on me.
This episode taught me a valuable lesson in survival. After six months of pure, unadulterated hell, I was ready to call it a day, but my indomitable spirit came to the rescue. It told me to stop hurting myself over something that could not be changed and to finally accept the fact, that she wouldn’t have me in her life anymore (for whatever reason). Acceptance is the key, hard though it may be. And believe you me, it was damned hard.
Three years later, I met a beautiful, wayward, gypsy princess, who swore to me, that she would love me till her dying day. We were inseparable and she told me, that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. And then, she had a brain hemorrhage and passed away, at the tender age of twenty-eight. She had kept her word, my sweet love, but…strike two! As you may imagine, I was a trifle upset with the Big Guy upstairs. There is supposed to be a reason for everything, but the only thing is, often I can’t see it.
So, I have been alone for almost five years. I’m a bit anxious to even look at another woman, for fear of “what next?”. And the misery of it all is that I do so love to love. “Without love, life has no meaning!” someone said. In my opinion, he or she was right. Rest assured that I have not given up hope.
In that, I agree with Rabbi Nachman from Breslav, who admonished us by categorically stating: “It is forbidden to despair!” Those are wise words and well worth listening to. But where is Miss Right? I am here, ready, willing and most of the time able. Fortunately, even though I am generally an impatient man, when it comes to things that really matter, I have the patience of a monk. And face it, until she shows up, I shall need it. But Lady, be warned, I have some serious hugging and kissing to catch up on!