Wouldn’t it be nice, if we could turn every single moment of every single day into a beautiful painting, to be cherished forever and to share with our loved ones?
A priest hooks a huge fish. Helping him reel it in, a sailor says “Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!” “Hey, mind your language!” says the priest. Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, “Sorry Father, but that’s what this fish is called – it’s a Fucker fish”
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church. “Look at this huge fucker” says the priest, spotting the bishop. “Language please! This is God’s house,” replies the bishop. “No, no – that’s what this fish is called,” says the priest. “Oh,” says the bishop, scratching his chin “I could clean that fucker And we could have it for dinner”.. So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior. “Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?” he asks her. “My, what language!” she exclaims, clearly shocked. “No, sister that’s what the fish is called – a fucker” says the bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, “Wonderful, I’ll cook that fucker tonight, the Pope is coming for dinner!” The fish tastes just great and the Pope asks where they got it. “Well, I caught the fucker!” says the priest. “And I cleaned the fucker!” says the bishop. “And I cooked the fucker!” says the mother superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says “You know what? You pricks are alright.”
Bright lightning screams down.
Mother Earth smiles Welcome!
Cold sea roils unmoved.
A duck with an attitude!
Humpty’s family is not as broken up about it as they could have been!
First of all, I want to apologise profusely to dear Tania from the TANIAJESSICASMITH site and good ole Roly from the Sarchasm2 site for being so tardy in responding to their kindness in awarding us respectively the Creative Chaos Award and the Sunshine Award. Although my life has been very hectic indeed around here, that is still no excuse for having waited so long. A very belated heartfelt thanks to these wonderful people! — Can I please get up from my bended knees now? No, not yet. Ok, I’ll stay down a little while longer then. — Btw, I greatly deserve the chaos part of the Creative Chaos Awards, I think!
And secondly I would like to thank the lovely Hope from The Stay At Home Philosopher site for nominating us a second time for the Sunshine Award, which she probably wouldn’t have done had she known that we’d already received one, but there you go. Two is always(in the case of awards anyway) better than one.
Now comes the scary part, where I have to reveal about myself…or about the other authors on our site 10 little known facts:
1, I don’t know WTF is Alan Rickman. Did he play in Mash?
2, I have a Gran, who has a broom and a black cat!
3, I have good friend, who is a wonderful poet and is called Lieven.
4, I have shoesize ten.
5, My Gran has not! Correct me if I’m wrong, Gran…
6, Our lovely Polly here knows a lot about witchery(and so does my Gran!).
7, I love strawberries with whipped cream.
8, I like women covered in whipped cream!
9, I am now daydreaming about… uhhmm… strawberries(nice save, wasn’t it?’)!
10, If anybody gives me any lip, I’ll set my Gran on them!
And here I am, still on bended knees— May I? No, still not. Ok!—, with tonight’s nominees for the
Oscars: Creative Chaos Awards, in other words for procrastinating in a most creative fashion:
I am still here, starting to get cramps— Oh come on! Still nothing doing? Auch! — to divulge the names of the nominees for the Sunshine Award, or in other words for those who made me smile with their wit and/or knowledge(although the 5 aforementioned ones also did!):
All fifteen nominees appeared in no particular order, by the way! — Can I get up now? Yes, good. Oops, I’m stuck! Gran, somebody, call someone to help ole Ralphie get back up, please! —
Let me state, for the record, that Ralphie’s Portal is a team effort and that it is largely due to my co-authors that so many visitors stay interested in us, for which I thank my friends from the bottom of my heart!
P.S.: To whom it may concern: Please, no more awards for us, ’cause these ones nearly killed me!