Tornado Cause Debunked!


Whacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man
Whacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man (Photo credit: RedHerring1up)

I just glanced over an article, which stated that tornadoes are apparently caused by wind turbine farms. Said article(1) was probably written by a gentleman, who dabbles in science and the proof of his scientific conclusion was almost certainly arrived at by statistical means. It is a well-known fact that a good statistician can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Earth is actually flat.

I do not subscribe to either point of view. In my humble opinion tornadoes are caused by the wave. The very wave that is perpetrated in sports stadia all over the world, where all the spectators jump up unexpectedly and collectively wave their arms about, somewhat like children welcoming the arrival of Santa!

I shall prove my hypothesis by showing you an incontrovertible correlation between two disturbing facts. If you look at the years where particularly nasty tornadoes occurred, then you will see(and I defy anyone to dispute this fact) that in ALL those very same years, there was a Superbowl on, where the wave is a common as popcorn. What further proof do you need than this? I rest my solved case! Should any doubting Thomases require it, I shall obtain further statistical proof.

Reports(2) have also reached my desk of Mid Westerners in the US of A, who are being excessively liberal with their driver-to-driver waves and this for saluting purposes, which might also add to the air-disturbance already being caused in sports arenas. I would hereby like to admonish the aforementioned wavers to NOT go about their unholy business with open car windows! Wave not, want not, as the tornado victims would say.

Now has come the time for me to vociferously disclaim any vicious rumours about earth-quakes being caused by belly shaking laughter. This slanderous drivel has been spread by people suffering from SHDS(Sense of Humor Deficiency Syndrome, a horrible affliction!) The public can rest assured that we are in possession of stacks of reports, which offer oodles of statistical proof that categorically disprove such ridiculous allegations. My case is no longer resting, it has expired and has been ground into dust. The case is dead, long live the case!

Ladies and gentlemen, I really have to leave you now, for I have just spotted a butterfly on my window sill. I shall rush outside and tell it to sit very still and not move, We would not want it to cause another tsunami for those poor people in Japan, now would we!?? Oh dear, a terrifying thought has just struck my head. Already I dread the return of the humming birds! What havoc will they wreak?

(1)

http://cleanskies.tv/articles/wind-turbines-cause-tornado-confusion.html

(2)

http://lookingforthesweetspot.com/2012/03/19/you-deserve-the-wave-today/

Published by raburcke

I am a comedy writer, oil painter and the founder of this site. Do join me and we will make it a place that everyone will be happy to visit.

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  1. You’re quite hilarious and being that the #1 thing I like to do every day (well maybe not the #1 thing … there are other #1 things but I’m getting off point) – I’m trying to say I love to laugh so I will make it a point to visit with u everyday so … no pressure but I will be looking for my daily dose. You certainly gave me a double dose tonight with this. Thanks for that … 😀

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