What Momma Taught Me!


Viking lawn mower.
Viking lawn mower. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

-To Appreciate A Job Well Done… If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside, I’m cleaning.
-Religion… You better pray that will come out of the carpet.
-Travel Time… If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into next week.
-Logic… Because I said so, that’s why.
– More Logic… If you fall out of the tree and break your neck, you’re not coming to the store with me.
-Foresight… Make sure you wear clean underwear, just in case you get run over by a bus and they have to take you to hospital.
-Irony… Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.
-Wisdom… When you get to my age, you’ll understand.
-Justice… One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you.
-Roots… Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?
-Genetics… You’re just like your Auntie.
-Humour… When that lawn mower cuts your off your toes, don’t come running to me.
-Extrasensory Perception… Put your sweater on, don’t you think I know when your cold.
-Medical Science… If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay like that.
-Receiving… You are going to get it when you get home!
-Osmosis… Shut your mouth and eat your food.
-Contortionist… Will you look at that dirt on the back off your neck?
-Stamina… You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.
-Weather… This room of yours look as if a tornado went through it.
-Hypocrisy… I told you a million times, don’t exaggerate.
-Circle Of Life… I bought you into this world and I’ll take you out of it.
-Behaviour Modification… Stop acting like your father.
-Anticipation… Just wait until we get home.
-Envy… There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.

The original on EP, from OnMyTippeeToes .

Published by raburcke

I am a comedy writer, oil painter and the founder of this site. Do join me and we will make it a place that everyone will be happy to visit.

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