When I was fifteen, my then-girlfriend broke up with me and it nearly killed me. I know what you are going to say, we all felt like that in our puberty. No, you didn’t! When I told her girlfriend that I felt more and deeper than most people, she berated me and thought me presumptuous in thinking this and I believed her and hung my head in shame. But much later, I realized that I do feel more deeply than most, it is called high-sensitivity.
This character trait is a blessing and a curse to any who has it. You can fly with the eagles and reach levels of bliss that are not usually reserved for mere mortals, but when the good times end, the fall is subsequently all the more deep and then you go SPLAT”!
I was a walking sore, misery, and pain oozing out of me. People avoided me like the plague because they could not look me in the eye and confront what they saw. When you are hurting like I did, nobody wants to know, believe me. About twenty years later on, I broke down completely and utterly, but the strange thing was that I didn’t know it because I was still stuck in the same nightmare.
And now thirty-six years later, I can finally see it for what it was, a broken record, playing over and over again, without the long-player’s knowledge or consent. But now I also see something which is infinitely more important and it is that the avenue of shattered hearts is behind me. I have broken free at last, but it took seven years on the street to do it.
Which is not to say that it couldn’t happen again, for what has changed? I am still the same, I still feel in the same manner. What could I do differently this time to avoid disaster, if I still do not know what it was that I did wrong the first time it happened and the second and the third and the fourth and so on!
God damn it, I can not rip out my heart and buy a new one. And when push comes to shove, I don’t want to change my inner landscape, for it has made me what I am today! A writer, who has gone through hell and can still talk and write about it. Thank God for small mercies, hey!
P.S.: As you will surely realise, this was the short version, written in haste. Perhaps I shall elaborate at a later date. I was going to go to sleep and this came into my head and I just had to write it down, before I forgot it!