Tonight I invite my lost ones, whether passed on or still of this world. I shall celebrate with my memories and toast forgotten possibilities. I shall invite my beloved late grandparents to please show me the many errors of my ways. I shall ask forgiveness of my late wife for the small and not-so-small intransigences perpetrated against her. I wonder if I will get a second chance, in another life maybe, to make the same mistakes all over again, for I do not in all honesty believe that I will ever learn.
I am too inept at this game of living, do not possess the necessary skills.
I can not even see, what it is that I should be doing.
I am complete in my impotence to accept life on it own terms.
I am lost, but what is new. I never trod the way. Is there even one?
I can not and will not accept a world of dog eat dog. All through history the soldiers have protected against the enemy, “they” say. My question is: Why should there be enemies? And what of the farmers, without whose bread the soldiers would have starved to death. Are they just excess waste to be trodden upon and exploited. Wake up, for God’s sake and smell the roses! My soul is growing wearier and wearier with this doomed fight that was lost before it even began. What on Earth am I doing here? Again, I am lost! If anyone can show me even the first step of THE way, please step forward…
But then, that will not do either! Because THE way does not exist. Each has to find his own way of coping with it all… Right, a smile is my answer! A simple smile for a child in need of some incouragement. A smile of friendship for anyone who cares. A smile for the flowers and the sunsets. A smile for the folly of this, your humble, weary servant.
And on plods the farmer…