The Joys of Life!

A Moon Jellyfish.
Jelly Fish - Wikipedia

Let’s talk about the joys of life, shall we. At the minute, I can’t think of a single one! As a matter of fact, I can’t think, period. My gray matter has turned to a slimy sludge, which is pouring from my nose in a continuous, unstoppable stream. I watched the dawn through teary eyes and felt like getting my shotgun to blast that yellow disk, which hurts my eyes, out of the sky. As you may have gathered by now, my mood, on a scale of one to ten, is down to minus seventy.

I think that a she-hedgehog has taken up residence in my throat and is about to give birth to a quadruplets. I am seriously thinking of calling on my neighbour and asking her for some tampons to stuff up my nostrils. My ears are blessed with a feeling that holds the middle between an itch and the sensation you get when a plane descends for landing. I have about as much energy as a wart on a gnat’s arse.

Of all the little annoyances that mother nature has deemed fit to afflict us with, the common cold must surely take the crown. I hesitate to say this, but I would almost welcome some real pain, instead of this aggravating, indecisive, nagging war between good health and the now dreamed of peace of my own demise. It’s almost as if my immune system has taken up my favourite pass-time  of procrastinating.

A lady friend just called to invite me to a cup of coffee and a chat.  I took a rain-check, because I feel about as attractive as a decomposing jelly fish. Oh yes, a date right now is all I need. I think that I shall leave it hanging on the palm tree for a while longer. Can you imagine me showing up with my tampons up my nostrils and with my little fingers stuck in my ears, trying to get rid of a non-existing itch, all the while sniffing, coughing and sneezing? What riveting conversation could I possibly hold in such a state? She would of course be forced to wear a biohazard suit to avoid contamination. Tea party, Ralphie style? I don’t think so!

Enough of this, Ralphie is going on strike. I am going into hibernation until the spring. Sneeze you, when I see you!

Published by raburcke

I am a comedy writer, oil painter and the founder of this site. Do join me and we will make it a place that everyone will be happy to visit.

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