Ralphie´s Portal

Image via CrunchBase

Something momentous happened yesterday, which may not mean a lot to you. I sold the very first copy of my first publication “Tittbits” on Smashwords.com, my fledgling creation, my first-born baby has finally been acknowledged by another human being. After eight long months of lying on the internet shelves, someone was kind enough to take one copy home to read in peace and have a chuckle with. It can not be stroked, caressed or smelled like you can a paper book, but nevertheless a little piece of my psyche is now in someone else´s hands, to have and to hold and to cherish for all eternity(or a trifle less).

Will he or she like it or sneer at it in disdain? Oh dear, don´t tell me, for the agony, the heartbreak might be my undoing! Let me continue in my belief that my child has found a loving foster parent. In fact, in would now like to entreat all my readers NOT to buy a copy, because the suspense of waiting for a sign of your approval or utter loathing would turn me into a nervous wreck, prematurely grey and weak of heart and limb… How can other authors stand this torture?

I can hear my old pal Dermott in Fuengirola saying: “Ralphie, old bean, I think you´ve gone overboard, your train has derailed and your marbles have yet again been scattered to the four corners of the globe(can a globe has corners, by the way?) Snap out of it! It´s only a friggin´book.” Dermott really doesn´t have a clue, does he?

Anyways, the book costs 8.99$ and six of those are ALL mine! But Smashwordsonly pays every trimester. I am therefore giddy with anticipation about this enormous wealth about to come my way at the end of the month of September of the beginning of October. My literary oeuvre is bearing fruit at last. I´ve already ordered the yacht, by the way! Toodeloo, gang, hugs from Ralphie.