– The princes in the region were so ugly that the princess took to tongue kissing frogs. To no avail, but it kept the frogs happy.
– Wicked Queen: Mirror, mirror on the wall, is there any fairer than me, as far as I can see? (She’s up in the tower)
Mirror: Well… there’s Beth, Mary, Cindy, Molly, Charisse(add +- 500). Oh, and the old lady we buried two months ago still looks marginally better than you do. Even that drag queen last week…
Wicked Queen: My stupid husband would have to buy me an unbreakable mirror!
– Cinderella broke the heel of her glass slipper(made in China), twisted her ankle, missed the coach and had to limp back home.
– The big, bad wolf said: I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll continue, after I’ve taken a Strepsils for my cough!
– Frodo to Gandalph, after being chased by wraith, stabbed, beaten and what have you: Go on a trip, you said. It’ll be fun, you said. Bollocks!