Message From RubIxSKube…


Hello to all at The Portal… KubIxSRube here…!! ;)

Well, what can I say….? its been a while…! I feel absolutely no shame in admitting that I lost my way a little, in life as well as creatively… there have been some pretty rough times in my life, personal tragedies that seem to follow me around like a black cloud. But sooner than let it all get on top of me, I turned it into words — as is my usual way. I find it quite weird, when I sit down purposefully to write a poem/song or anything lyrical, nothing happens… it is the struggles that go on inside my head that fuel my work, and in a way I find that sad because it shouldn’t take mental trauma to kick-start the creative flow. But one thing that is certain, my words are raw emotion… my poetry is sometimes quite dark in its nature, but it is… was, and forever will be REAL.

Take Care, Kris.

No Way… Nah… Whatever.


Hoboken, New Jersey, July 2008

Hoboken, New Jersey, July 2008 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Look into my eyes….
What is it you see…?
What you see is nothing…
Empty, blue… like me.
Devoid of all feeling…
Stripped of all love…
Battered, bruised, broken-hearted…
Discarded like a glove.
Caring, loving, tortured soul…
Words that once defined…
Add lonely now to that list…
Double underlined.
You can’t see me for looking…
Look through my very soul…
Gaze deep inside my chest…
And see a heart-shaped hole.
For what once was there is here no more…
Romantic, dying breed…
Like a ripped and tattered teddy bear…
That you no longer need.
I feel so sick and tired…
Of a life that goes so wrong…
I’ve given my love, I’ve shed my tears…
Seen the meaning in the song.
Can I ever love myself…
Perhaps… maybe…? forever…?
Right now I can’t see myself for looking…
So no way, nah… whatever.

My Twinkling Little Star…


A short, personal poem I wrote after my then girlfriend suffered a miscarriage… the only of my works that actually makes me cry, even as a man…. I admit that.

I wish I could have known you….
For as little as just a day…
Your little palm wrapped round my finger…
Making worries slip away.
Sometimes I often wonder…
Through what eyes would you see…?
Golden as your mummy…
Or cold and blue like me.
I wish I’d had a second…
To give you all my love…
Before you went and left us…
To join the Lord above.
But your little eyes never opened…
So I’ll love you from afar…
I just wish we’d had a chance…
My twinkling little star.

For my baby, we’ll meet again. xx

Made For You And Me…


Knots

Knots (Photo credit: Syntopia)

I saw you once again last night…
As I closed my eyes…
But that was nothing new to me…
It came as no surprise.
But as I faded to the blackness…
I travelled back in time…
To when life was much more innocent…
And I could call you mine.
So how could it be…?
That things became unclear…?
I don’t want these dreams no more…
I only want you here.
But these dreams are my sweetness…
I never want to wake…
For when I open up my eyes again…
Its back to real heartbreak.
As the sun disappears…
We walk upon the sand…
Our eyes they lock together…
Like our hearts and like our hands.
Golden like the sunset…
Blue just like the sea…
A heavenly perfection…
Made for you and me.
That desolate illusion…
That I wish so much was real…
Was all mine and yours last night…
For no-one else to steal.
Now as I open up my eyes once more…
And the feeling fades away…
I straighten up my backbone…
And get on with my day.
But I’m counting down the minutes.
Until again we are free…
In our own private heaven…
Made for you and me.

A Special Little Boy…


I knew a baby boy once…
A special little guy….
A smile that could melt a rock…
Seen through his mummy’s eyes.
Loved by all around him…
He giggled and he smiled….
He was happily infectious…
He was just that sort of child.
His little brother loved him…
This special little boy…
No more would he be lonely…
Someone to share his toys.
He went to school so happy…
But couldn’t wait for it to end…
Looking forward so much to coming home…
And seeing his special friend.
His air was artificial….
And was as heavy as could be…
But he was just like any other child…
Bouncing on his mummy’s knee.
His brother was so happy…
They’d never be apart…
Loneliness would never call again…
To break his little heart.
It was a warmish day in 90…
When this little boy came home…
He found his mummy crying…
But crying all alone.
He said whats the matter mummy…?
Why are you so sad…?
I spilled my milk at school today…
I hope you won’t be mad.
Then his mummy told him…
That an angel had taken flight…
When his little brother fell asleep…
He was kissed by God last night.
The little boy looked around him…
But the one that he looked for…
Needed so much by those on Earth…
But Heaven needs him more.
We are still so blind whilst looking…
Or maybe just don’t believe…
That life’s too short and precious…
Perhaps we’re just naïve.
That little boy is grown now…
Through wise eyes he can see…
And he still cries for his brother…
That little boy was me.

For Daniel….. you were just too beautiful for this world… we’ll meet again. ♥1988-1990 ♥

House of Autopsy…


Take me to pieces…
Slice into ny soul…
Tear away my spirit…
And leave a bleeding, oozing hole.
Call me in a thousand years…
When we’re a lighter shade of low…
Or say goodbye tomorrow…
And pretend you didn’t know.
A leaf to help you cut me…
So you can gaze deep inside…
Dissect what is in my brain…
And see just how I died.
Like an autopsy…
Carving flesh and bone…
You murdered me in the name of love…
I really should have known.
I lie still on my soft warm slab…
Through a decomposing mind…
You’ll never know how much I missed you…
Or just how much I pined.
I know now as the lights go down…
As they close me up so tight…
Through sightless eyes and silent lips…
That it was you gave up the fight.
Burn me, bury me, cover me in earth…
Leave me to the birds…
Like an autopsy in my own house…
You murdered me with your words.

Beauty Of Grey Eyes…


That girl over there…
The one with grey eyes…
She cannot stop crying…
No matter how she tries.
The weight of Heaven…
The burn of Hell…
She’s begging for help…
But no-one can tell.
Nobody can see her…
To stop all her tears…
Invisible to those who should care…
Its been like this for years.
She looks in her mirror…
And hates what she sees…
But the beauty and heart within her…
Makes you weak at the knees.
Now as she gazes at the sky…
She knows one thing to be true…
If it weren’t for all the heartache…
Her eyes would still be blue.
So peace my beauty of grey eyes…
Ignore their words and stares…
Let those eyes again be blue my darling…
Someone out there cares.

Sweet Paranoia…


Hearing aid

Hearing aid (Photo credit: Soitiki)

I’m fit to burst and starved of air…
My head is spinning under your innocent glare…
My mind is a mess, a blur of time…
This wasn’t a poem, but its starting to rhyme…
I’m gonna explode, the clock is ticking…
The light’s reflecting and the mud is sticking…
My stomach is burning with gallons of bile…
I so wanna die but I must smile…
I’m in a forest, I’m the only tree…
SO WHY THE HELL ARE THEY STARING AT ME…??!
Do I look strange…? Do I act odd…?
Then avert your eyes…. oh my god…!
Am I hearing you right…? You talking about me…?
You can’t see me for looking, how sick can you be…?!
I’m totally sober, but mentally drunk…
I’m still courting rebellion like a burned-out punk…
I’ve been the loneliest person, because of the fear…
Its sweet paranoia, do I make myself clear…?

Faceless, Nameless…


Faceless World

Image via Wikipedia

I’m heavier than heaven…
But lighter than air…
Simply complex…
Darker than fair.
Innocently guilty…
Of a victimless crime…
Frozen in motion…
Ahead of my time.
Lovingly despised by those that don’t know…
Secretly adored by the ebb and the flow.
So much more rounded than the average square…
But not much smarter than the average bear.
The tallest of midgets in a forest of gems…
The brightest of dunces on flowerless stems.
Maybe being blind helps you see clear…
Straightens your backbone…
Removes all the fear.
So staring at pills…
And playing with knives…
Becomes our history…
For the rest of our lives.

Kris — 8/9/2011.