Ralphie´s Portal

Kim Kardashian at the Seventh Annual Hollywood Life Magazine Awards. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ladies and Gentlemen, I retract everything I wrote earlier about Miss Kim Kardashian! It’s not poor(?) Miss Kardashian’s fault that she’s simplicity challenged and that she can not hold on to a boyfriend or husband for more than a few days. And the fact that she couldn’t hold down a job, if her life depended on it is neither here nor there, ’cause she doesn’t need to! Furthermore, she has graciously promised the voters of that place somewhere that she’s going to Mayor(sic), that she will recompense all future damages done by her administration out of her own pocket! So there…

As a matter of fact, I’ve grown quite fond of dear Kimmy, since I’ve gotten to know her a bit better(the bribe did help though!), because she’s proven herself to be one lucky find for a writer cum blogger(no Kimmy, that’s not indecent!) such as myself. I’ve been instructed to write that the camel wasn’t nearly as much fun to be with as boyfriend number X, although it did have better table manners.

Miss K’s visit to India was cut short after the unfortunate elephant ride incident. She pertinently refused to ride one facing its behind and as it seemed to have two, this left her with no other option but to sit facing sideways, which she did not appreciate at all.

On the other hand, I do not like Mister Stephen Hawking so much these days, because I can not say: „Haha, Hawking, you got that wrong!“, when I haven’t got a clue what he’s on about in the first instance! You see, it’s not so easy to make fun of someone who is a tad smarter than you are.

But now to get back to dear Kimmy, as she is affectionately known to her friends. She has very sensibly hired me to write some pretticisms for her or lines that will show her as the lady about town that she really and truly, cross her heart and hope to die, is. Already she is showing her altruistic(yes, it’s true, Kimmy) self by providing a much-needed job to yours truly and to the prompter that has to hold up the idiot boards(cross out) reminder boards for her.

The first public tryout of the pretticisms got off to a rocky start, when Kimmy’s vanity forbade her from putting on her reading glasses in front of all those people. Miss Kardashian breaking down in sobs, when people started en mass reading her lines for her, did not help much. She left the scene after remonstrating loudly that they should not think they were smarter than her, just because they could read. Better luck next time, Kimmy!

Anyone willing to donate to the „Help Poor Kimmy Fund“ can do so via PayPal on this site(;-)).