Come on, people! What the frikkin’ heck am I busting my goolies for over here? Do you all think that I do this for fun or what?(Actually I do, but I’m trying to keep it a secret, Shhhttt!) So come on call up your relatives and friends and tell them to visit ralphiesportal.me and they get a complementary cyber hug from lil Ralphie! Tell ‘em to give us lots of “likes” and comment on everything. Skit! Get to it!!!!
Archive for March 24, 2012
The unmitigating cruelty of it! I protest strongly against this foul practice. Take up arms with me!
see more Dropping The Science
We were driving through the countryside, when I noticed some ruins that looked splendid in their worn-outness. I remarked to myself how difficult it is for me to render this faithfully on canvas, as I am not very good at painting or drawing architecture. Thus it came to be that I was pondering the rules of perspective and it was then that a horrific realisation dawned on poor Ralphie…
People and all things essentially get smaller the further they get away from old Ralphie, until they disappear altogether! Is this not horrible? Whole countries have been known to disappear from the face of Ralphie’s universe, for example when I was on a plane looking out. Galileo Galilei must have been wrong all along: the earth is flat after all!!!
Imagine all those people, who never did anybody any wrong, falling off the planet and floating around in deep space, for what reason, I ask you? I sincerely hope that I am not to blame for their misfortune!
Just the other day my friend Dermott told me he was going on a little trip and he pointed into the distance and said: “Over there!” I asked him, with a trembling lip: “Do you mean where the little people live?” I was quite apprehensive by this time! I entreated him to stay within eyesight of ole Ralphie, for I have lost enough friends already in this lifetime and he laughed at me, the scoundrel! There I wax filled with concern for his well-being and safety and he laughs in my face…
A couple of days passed and I was mourning my lost friend, when I rounded a corner and who should I bump into but my dear friend Dermott. I thought I was seeing things and asked him with tears in my eyes if it was really him or if I was being delusional. He told me that he was my born-again friend Dermott and this reassured me no end. Although he had a big grin on his face. I sometimes suspect him of pulling my leg!
Now wait a minute, you lot, would you mind explaining in no uncertain terms where you all disappear to when old Ralphie goes to sleep! Hunhh, hunhh!!! Come on, fess up! I’ll bet you all get up to no end of mischief, when I’m not there to keep an eye on youse! Dermott reassures me yet again that you all go to sleep aswell, but I still have my doubts… I shall be forced to install camera surveillance in the four directions of the wind to see if he spoke the truth! There is no fooling lil ole me!!!
10°C/50°F Tenants in Helsinki turn off the central heating, the Finns start planting flowers.
7°C/44°F Also planting vines.
5°C/41°F The Finns are sunbathing, while the sun still gets over the horizon.
2°C/36°F Italian cars won’t start.
0°C/32°F Pure water freezes.
-1°C/30°F Your breath becomes visible, time to start planning the vacation to the Mediterranean. The Finns are eating icecream and drinking cold beer.
-4°C/24°F The cat tries crawling under your bedsheets.
-10°C/14°F Time to start planning a vacation to Africa. The Finns go for a swim in the lake.
-12°C/10°F Too cold for snowing.
-15°C/5°F American cars won’t start.
-18°C/0°F Homeowners in Helsinki switch on the central heating.
-20°C/-4°F Your breath starts to sizzle in the air.
-22°C/-8°F French cars won’t start. Too cold for proper iceskating.
-23°C/-10°F Politicians start pitying the homeless.
-24°C/-11°F German cars won’t start.
-26°C/-15°F Your breath can now be cut directly into building blocks for an igloo.
-29°C/-20°F The cat tries crawling under your pyjamas.
-30°C/-22°F No proper car will start. The Finn swears, kicks the tire and drives off in his Lada.
-31°C/-24°F Too cold for kissing as the lips will freeze together. The Finnish national scoccer team enters the spring training season.
-35°C/-31°F Time to start planning a vacation in the hot tub. The Finns are shoveling the snow off their roofs.
-39°C/-38°F Too cold for thinking. Mercury freezes. The Finns button up the collar of their shirts.
-40°C/-40°F The car tries crawling under your bedsheets. The Finns are thinking about putting on a pullover.
-44°C/-47°F Your finnish co-worker ponders on closing the window.
-50°C/-58°F The sea lions evacuate Greenland. The Finns switch from gloves to mittens.
-64°C/-83°F Time to start planning a vacation on Venus. The Finns are going sleding.
-70°C/-94°F The ice bears are evacuating the north pole. At the university of Rovaniemi, the traditional annual cross country tournament is being held.
-75°C/-103°F Santa Claus is evacuating the north pole, leaving frozen, dead elves in his trail. The Finns fold down the rim of their bonnets.
-80°C/-112°F The sea lions try crawling under your bedsheets. Your cat is acting a little tense.
-90°C/-130°F Santa Claus attempts to join the sea lions.
-111°C/-168°F French cars won’t burn properly anymore.
-120°C/-184°F Alcohol freezes. As a result, the Finns are now acting a little tense, too.
-270°C/-454°F Hell freezes over.
-272,2°C/-457,96°F Helium can be solidified under pressure.
-273,15°C/-459,7°F Absolute zero. Absolute absence of molecular movement. The Finns reluctantly admit that, “Yes, it might be a bit chilly. Now, would you please be so kind and pass me another slice of vodka?”
Reblogged from RickieChikie on Experience Project: <Clcik here!>
Why didn’t I think of that???