kama sutra

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Duma was a bit sad at first that she didn´t get a willie. They didn´t have a clue how to start this begatting business. So Bud explained it to me and told me to make them a simple manual. I called it: ”A plumber´s manual. The idiot-proof guide to coupling.” It even had pictures in it. A similar version showed up ages later under the name ´Kama Sutra´. Maybe this is a good time to tell you about the triangles of bliss of the Dumas. On the bodies of the Dumas there can be found, if you look carefully, three little buttons.

Two sit on the ends of the boobies and the third one is located where the little triangle of fluff points at, it´s a little pink one. You can play some nice games with these buttons. For example: ring the doorbell. Push any of the three buttons and say: “Hello! Is there anybody in there?” Just keep on gently!! pushing the little buttons in any sequence you like until you hear someone shout: Yes! Yes! That´s when you´ll know that you can proceed with the coupling. These buttons form a triangle that is interconnected and enhances the well-being of the Dumas. Don´t forget it! More about this later.

This creation of Duma changed the dummy´s psychology dramatically, which can be summed up in three super-important things, to him. One, she who is a part of him. Two, his willie: that´s another part of him. And three, shit: as an exclamation for the joining of the twain. So if you ever want to teach a male something, you(preferably female)have to say: “You little shit, Don´t you get it?” Shit is number three and little in front of that makes him nervous, ´It´ refers to his willie. Now, he´ll be getting really upset. And a woman saying all this will make him stand to attention. This is of course high psychology!

I have three significant great-great-grand-nephews, who tried to explain the dummy psyche. The first and most important one is Sigmund Willie. I explained most of it to him, but he couldn´t reveal everything because his mum wouldn´t let him. The second is Young Willie, who´s the archetypal scaredy-cat. Early on in life, his ass caught fire. He claimed it was spontaneous combustion. I think he farted too close to the fire! This scared him so much that he went and hid under his mother´s skirts. The third is Addled Willie, who was hot-tempered but grew melancholic and gave up. No one really understands, but me. You may call me Doctor Ralph of the Universe.

The dummies were friendly to one another. But different shades had different ways of greeting each other. The pales one just shook hands. That is, most of them. There was a sub-species who liked eating frogs. They used to kiss each other on the cheeks. I visited them once and I thought, when in frog territory, say ´rribip´. So when I saw one my frog acquaintances, I leaned in but my stiff upper lip prevented me from puckering up. This only happens with blokes, though. When confronted with a nubile hussy, I start puckering all over the place. The black shaded ones used to shake each others willies. Bit of a strange custom if you ask me, but there you go!

This had a result which had terrible consequences: their willies got longer over the ages! Then one day, the two groups met and had a horrible fight. The pale ones were envious, you see. The green monster had reared it´s ugly head. There was a lot of shouting and screaming and the inevitable happened. One of them plucked a pearand lobbed it at another’s head. The other one retaliated and a pear war broke out. Next they ran out of pears and started lobbing apples. This was when Bud stepped in. He said: “I specifically told you not to touch them apples!” and asked what had happened.

The Forbidden Fruit

After reviewing the facts(willies) he ordered everyone to wear fig leaves. In the philosophy of: What they can´t see, won´t make them envious. And he made it clear that clobbering each other with apples, or anything else for that matter, was terribly wrong. He specifically told me to write this down as one of his rules: “Aggression is not the way!” Some of them turned nasty. The dark ones, just to spite the pale ones, clapped each others hands over their heads and said: Ours is this big, man.

And some of the pales ones invented the ´nasty salute´, which in three steps, goes like this: first they pointed at the black guys and shouted: You!, second step: right hand high in the air and shout: That long?, Third step was to shout: “Hahh!”. After a while, they left out steps one and three, though. They were a really ugly lot. Luckily, after a while, things cooled down again. But the nastiness had taken root and would surely resurface.

This is a series of stories, which are in sequence. You should start by reading the first one: Introducing Bud!

To view all the stories of the Holly Bbibble, just click on this name at the top of the site’s home page!